John’s 22 – 5 Jesus
John’s retained the Cuppers Trophy on Wednesday, continuing their stranglehold of College Rugby.
In the opening exchanges of the match the Jesus forwards stepped up to the plate and fuelled by ‘manic aggression’ smashed into the rucks. Hits could be heard from the sideline despite the wailing siren that the John’s supporters had brought along with them for “banter”.
The John’s forwards were dominant in the set piece. Uni-player Charlie Baird was imperious in the John’s lineout while the Red Boys scrum was the source of their first try.
After holding out on their own line for what seemed like an eternity Jesus were unable to prevent the John’s scrum from rolling over from 5 metres out. The ball was gratefully put down over the line by the Johnian 8. The conversion was missed and John’s went 5 points up.
John’s second try occurred soon after Jesus lost the services of their Aussie import no 8 Jamie “1 try, two bins” Miller.
A penalty was taken quickly by John’s scrumhalf Ben “Boyband” Wilson who scampered into the Jesus 22. The ball was kept alive and a John’s forwards trundled over to score a try that many felt should have been disallowed due to accidental offside.
Jesus were certainly not out of the match. Their backs constantly threatened and they earned their side a penalty after Ian Childs had sliced through the John’s line. Jesus went for three but the ball veered wide of the posts at the last second.
In contrast to the Jesus backs’ flair, John’s breaks often came as a result of unlucky Jesus mistakes. Fred Burdon almost scored after pouncing on spilt ball but he was hauled into touch by a heroic tackle in the corner by Russell Rammage.
The Red Boys grabbed another try before the end of the half. After a period of mind-numbing pick and goes the ball was spun wide and the flying John’s 14 was able to touch down in the corner.
Jesus dominated the rest of the half’s play and continued to trouble the John’s defences.
After breaking through several tackles Rob “unisocks” Stevens popped the ball to Tim Greenfield who gassed past Chris Hall on his way down the touchline. Greenfield was brought down in the 22 and a John’s turnover halted the threat and the half ended soon after.
It would be fair to say that Jesus won the second half and the John’s try – a scrum half pickup off a scrum –was, as many supporters pointed out, “fucking dull and undeserved.”
Jesus dominated John’s in the individual battles too. Two players didn’t hear the whistle go and continued to chase after the ball as it bounced towards the Jesus try line. To the delight of the crowd Jesus lock Dan “Rear of the Year” Wakerley caught up with the John’s winger and hauled him down metres before the line.
In the meantime Jesus continued to play with flair and in the dying minutes of the game their running rugby was rewarded with a try. To cries of “smash the shit out of the bastards” Jesus’ forwards dominated the breakdown and forced the John’s line too narrow.
Overlaps were created and Kouj “Dog’s Dinner” Tambara finished a fine backs’ move in the corner. The conversion was missed and the match ended 22-5. Needless to say, it was a scoreline that did not reflect the play.
Earlier in the day Downing prevented a Red Boy double by overcoming John’s 2nd XV 12-0 in the Plate, thanks to tries from Richard Bennet and Steve Townend.
Johns play shit rugby. Admittedly they are good at what they do, but they are fucking boring as death.
If Jesus had as big a supply of steroids and protein shakes as Johns do then they would shit all over them.
And mate, Johns 8, go get a fucking pension and stay there.
The Jesus backs need to lose some weight before hitting the protein shakes
Yes Jesus dominated with such 'flair' they lost 22-5.
John's do play mind-numbingly boring rugby for the amount of talent their team possesses. C'mon, we all know you've won everything rugby since we were hurling spears at mammoths, now grow some balls and chuck the ball around a bit. People might start liking you. Maybe.
Cherezov = massive cunt
love the url tab.
wordtoyourmother and Serevi clearly weren't at the 74-0 CCK or the 50-0 Girton precursors to this tight final. The ball gets thrown around when it can be. Credit to Jesus for making sure that it couldn't be.
This guy clearly does not go to Johns: he isn't a complete cunt. He probably just goes out with one of them.
I agree with Redboy.
The Johns games against CCK and Girton were the best attacking performances I've seen in college rugby this season.
In the final, the Jesus backs defended well, so Johns went with the slightly boring but effective game plan and won.
Should be interesting to see how things play out next year.
Not that hard to look good against a shit team, nor a shit team with 14 men.
The try scorer for jesus is wrong. I'm pretty sure it was Franny 'Guns' Wragg: I read it in a broadsheet.
No. Varsity online got it wrong.
haha varsity is so shit. especially their news and sport, literally dire!
Winning the sextuple double is absolutely anti-flair. I can't believe that a team so full of talent would resort to successful tactics to win a cup final.
They are so dirty that the two sin bins at the closing stages of the match didn't even make the report. I think that the Jesus backs were absolutely dominant, proven by their single try. They were unfortunate not to win the match by +100 points despite the number of penalties they were granted by the despicable Johnians.
In closing, gna gna gna gna gna gna gna, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
I fully agree. After his stint in the famously tedious Turkish Army 2nd team, known for grinding out victories without ever actually passing the ball, Captain Barrett's attitude towards 'flair rugby' has taken a catastrophic dive, even going as far as dropping entertainers like Sandy Reid and Suroosh Madanipour for the final. Instead we saw the likes of the Fat Finger C*** getting repeatedly stepped and outwitted, providing entertainment for the crowd only with his shit ginger lid and fat belly spilling out of his kit. Lets just thank God that Barrett has been ousted as captain and that in only a years time he will finally fuck off back to Turkey
The Tsunami Of The Achy Loin has real pace and flair go break another bone The Bruce.