Friday 11th – Saturday 12th, 8.00, Michaelhouse Cafe. £5.
What a beautiful evening, what a wonderful venue, what a SHIT play. I thought I was going to spend much of the review being very rude about the exceptionally impolite, self important, self righteous, power tripping organisers. As it is, there is so much else I hated about the show, I simply haven’t the time.
Before it had even started, I had written in my notebook “pretentious, inexplicable, incomprehensible”, and that was just about the A4 piece of paper we had been given with quotes from textbooks on homosexuality, some kind of Eastern Religious text (God forbid they should explain what or why) and other things I was too irritated to read. I could have put my pen down there, because those comments sum up most of the show.
Normally I would tell you what the play was about. Sadly, for most of the show, my friend and I had no idea what it was about. It was a one man show, performed by Stuart Flynn, who was rather painful to look at: high heels, shirt and tie, feather boa, leather jacket, half bald, but with long bright orange hair sort of stuck to his head all featured in there somewhere. Apparently in real life he’s a successful cabaret singer. More on that later. He was sitting in a cafe talking about seemingly unconnected things with some of the most unconvincing dramatic pauses I have ever known. (Note to director: Rubbing your face with your hands does not equal emotional intensity.) For much of the hour and a half I thought the whole show was about an asphixiwank. After much post-play consultation, we unravelled that basically the man in front of us was a cabaret singer and English teacher (an obvious combination), who fell in love with one of his (male) students. The object of his affections was an Iranian asylum seeker, whose claim failed and was sent back to Iran to be hung for his homosexual misdemeanours. I think.
The play started with aforementioned weird looking guy reading from a scrappy piece of paper the medical effects of being hung. I don’t know if he was reading it because it was some kind of dramatic construct I didn’t get, or the actor just couldn’t learn his lines. Not a great start. It only went downhill from there. He told a joke, I couldn’t tell you what about, then chuckled to himself and said “hilarious”. It really wasn’t. He should have known this because nobody laughed. Except someone I assume was the director, who laughed loudly at everything. We could not hear much of what was said. This was actually a small mercy, because what I did pick up was clichéd, pretentious, ‘oh wow look how groundbreaking I am’ twaddle. It all made so much more sense when I found out the writer went to my school.
The best bit of the play was when a drunk homeless man wandered into the church on crutches, very, very loudly, and one of the foppish organisers jumped up: “have you come to see the show?” No of course he bloody didn’t, he’s looking for a drink.
St Michael’s Church Cafe is modern, airy, stylish venue for an intimate performance to around twenty audience members. Great acoustics. Gorgeous design. I thought that was going to be the only good thing I had to say. And then ten minutes before the end, Stuart Flynn/gay, English as a foreign language teacher from Brighton, sat down at the keyboard, and began to sing, in response to everything that had happened. What a phenomenal voice. Powerful, nuanced, and extremely controlled, his voice filled the vaulted room and sent shivers down my spine. Shame the rest of it sucked. The only real joy of this play was that because the lights didn’t go down, I got to watch the horrified faces of all the other audience members. It made for excellent viewing.
Anna Sheinman you are a genius. This is so true.
Please review theatre again.
It is more a failing of comprehension on the part of the reviewer as the plot was fairly explicit. The performance was provocative and sustained. The reviewer clearly had pre-conceived ideas about the play and failed to bother engaging. Not an incisive review,.
Oralndo Reade's excellent play's only mistake was to expect a degree of maturity in his audience. Sheinman is utterly witless – she even got the title of the play wrong.
Dear Freddy. I think you'll find it was the sub editor that got the title of the play wrong, reviewers don't tend to write headlines. But it has now been corrected, thank you for pointing it out. I wouldn't be too cruel, because you got the name of the author wrong. At least our mistake was pronouncable…
pronouncable??!!!! oralndo??!! cambridge, you are all twats.
in all fairness, it would be unusual for the writer to write the headline, that's generally an editor's job.
[...] week's highlight was The Vagina Monologues and the lowest of the low, The Heartbreaks We Embrace with very little that was middle of the [...]
Sheinman describes this unfortunate episode so brilliantly and lucidly I almost had my head in my hands as I read it, long may she continue as a Tab reviewer, standards may have to rise to meet her.
brilliant!
Hilarious! love this reviewer-keep up the good work, Sheinman.
what an embarrassing display of grudging, mean-spirited bitterness. the play was unpretentious, fairly traditional, and consistently engaging, while the plot was exceptionally transparent to anyone with even the most limited attention span. clearly the venue's 'great acoustics' didn't predispose this reviewer to listen. or perhaps her ears were blocked by the roaring surges of her unbridled hatred shifting the flotsam of her woollen brain.
Sheinman,
As others have pointed out, the plot was hardly that confusing. Granted, it took a modicum of intellectual effort to connect slightly fragmented parts, but it really is very silly of you not to consider whether or not this was a deliberate effect on the part of the writer. I'd highly recommend moving away from this Sparknotes-based conception of narrative at some point in the future.
I can overlook the clunkiness of your style and minor errors (meat is hung; men are hanged). I can even overlook a phrase like "Stuart Flynn/gay, English as a foreign language teacher from Brighton, sat down at the keyboard", which is frothing, spuming nonsense in every known English dialect. What I can't overlook is the programmatic idiocy with which you have gone to town on something ambitious and at times successful.
Whilst The Heartbreaks You Embrace is not a great play, I don't think anyone with half a brain could possibly leave the venue without feeling in some way provoked, interested, or challenged. I didn't hate it, but I do now hate you. 1 star.
I think this can be safely taken as a recommendation: idiot disliked play. Play likely to be good.
I thought this review was cliched, pretentious twaddle. It all made so much more sense when I found out the reviewer went to Orlando's school.
u is just h8in yeh
Having seen the play on Wednesday I wanted to see if anyone else enjoyed it as much as I did, and so in searching for a review imagine my disappointment finding this. I don't know what's more shocking; the fact that someone who clearly lives in some sort of cultural vacuum is allowed to publish such nonsense under the guise of journalism, or that said nonsense is heartily endorsed by various posters here – how 'Sophie' can describe a reviewer who thought the play was about an 'asphixiwank' (and had the temerity to say so!) as 'brilliant' or 'lucid' is beyond me. I thought you Cambridge kids were supposed to be smart? A suggestion Anna: there's a film out in the cinema called 'Valentine's Day' – why don't you write a little review of that? It sounds like it might be your sort of level…
Last night, 27th Feb, I went to see the 'The Heartbreaks We Embrace' in Lewes, East Sussex. I am confused by Sophie's 'review'. Was she up to following the dialogue?. It does require a degree of concentration. The audience, well over fifty in number, were captivated by Stuart Flynn's performance. They well rewarded him by their ovation. I do agree with Sophie, however, in that Stuart's singing at the end sent shivers down my spine. The acoustics at the 'All Saints' were perfect to further enhance his performance. Well done, Stuart and Orlando.