What would my Sunday nights be without controversy? Before biggest-show-on-the-planet The X Factor decided to have its elimination show on these evenings, the closest you’d get to edgy television on a Sunday was when someone fluffed their hymns on Songs Of Praise, or failing that, when Richard Hammond and his team of equally badly-haircut super-twats decide to create a new meaning to their grumpy-old-men lifestyles by crashing their cars at high speeds. Too soon? The latest addition to what was previously considered to be the most boring of nights has resulted in drama-a-plenty, as the nation tunes in with the expectation that someone will do something that constitutes an angry call to Ofcom.
For why do we watch TV if not to find something to complain about? Fortunately, the Sunday edition of The X Factor provides us with plenty reason to get those fingers working, and the latest controversy to hit Simon Cowell and Friends is the recent elimination of Lucie Jones, who’s surname is not actually ‘Jones’, but ‘From A Tiny Welsh Village’. For those of you who don’t care, the drama arose when Lucie was eliminated instead of the tone-deaf twins, John and Edward. More controversial is the fact that Lucie Jones From A Tiny Welsh Village went because Simon Cowell decided to save the twins and made the person with the fewest public votes, Lucie, leave the show. Oooooh well I never! Cue mass national hysteria as the British public attempt to prevent the arrival of Monday morning by fuming over something which, essentially, no one gives a shit about. Simon Cowell spelled it out for you! He reasoned that since neither Lucie nor Jedward had any chance of winning, it didn’t matter who went. If Lucie stayed, she would be gone next week, and equally, I’m sure that John and Edward’s reign as the X Factor’s golden boys will come to an end in seven days time.
It pains me that the idiotic British public still believe that The X Factor is about singing. Think about it: Simon Cowell acts controversially and what’s the result? More headlines for the genius himself! For the sacrifice of a personality-less Welsh girl from Cfhdtyhwrlibfufsin (I made that up) Simon Cowell has ensured that people are still talking about The X Factor, at least for another week. Ultimately the stupid members of the public (most of them) woke up on Sunday morning still incensed by this story, ready to vent their anger about it around the water cooler. And then Tuesday came and went, and soon enough it’ll be Sunday again, and the public will be waiting by their telephones with Ofcom on the speed-dial so that when Alesha Dixon makes a comment about the UK urban scene instead of the fandango, they will be ready to pounce, using the weekend as a means to purge their Travis Bickle rage.
Thank you The X Factor, if nothing else for restoring the status quo of the fragile human mind.
Oh, and Jedward to win.
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