N.B. The Tab would like to point out that this is not the ACTUAL Pope.
It would seem that a lack of faith in Gordon Brown has engendered a flurry of faith in God. We’re all bored of hearing recession facts – but did you know that the level of church attendance has boomed? The amount of people turning to religion has risen considerably during the Credit Crunch and Amazon reported a 25% increase in Bible sales in 2009. But what does this say about us as a society?
Now is it just me, as a both a cynic and an atheist, but surely buying bibles isn’t the best way to spend your doll money? When things are coming up roses we don’t give a shit about spirituality, but as soon as we can’t afford that annual trip to Barbados we’re all praying for salvation. I can understand that people are more inclined to turn to the Good Lord when times are hard, but this wasn’t a tsunami or the Haitian earthquake – this was just some zero’s disappearing off of a computer screen. They’re imaginary zeros anyway; nothing has been destroyed, we’re not actually poorer, just not as rich as we pretended to be.
This then got me thinking about the potential link between the commercial and the spiritual worlds. There are of course those certain individuals (mainly from the part of the United States where first cousins are considered fair game) who say that this is God’s way of showing us that we were being greedy, and maybe they’re right, but this does seem a mysterious way for God to work. The Credit Crunch was, in essence, caused by some fat Texan bankers lending money to crack addicts and then becoming shocked when they spent the money on crack rather than on a property portfolio. If this is the way in which God operates, then I’m fucking unimpressed; it’s pretty lame coming from a bloke who in the past drowned millions and killed the first-born sons of an entire nation. I really would have expected more.
Even though I’m non-religious, I was still offended to find that Smythson, the stationers favoured by the monarchy, have recently brought out a bible, bound in pink calf skin and with pages edged in silver, for the princely sum of £165. This level of hypocrisy and idiocy makes me feel physically sick – has anyone who actually owns one of these abominations unto the Lord even read it? Well I haven’t, but I do remember some crazily enthusiastic man shouting religious rhetoric to me about fitting a camel through the eye of the needle and earthly possessions being bogus bullshit compared to those treasures in heaven. That’s a rough paraphrasing, by the way. To put this into real terms, you can buy a bible for about a fiver, leaving you with £160 – about the same cost as installing a bore hole in Africa to provide 250 people with clean drinking water, or provide around 2000 measles vaccinations for children, protecting them from a disease that kills nearly 200,000 each year. What would Jesus do?
On a slightly warmer note, the Vatican announced its own list of the top ten ‘pop milestones’ last month – a slightly unusual decision, given that the Pope did once describe rock music as the work of the devil… The list includes: Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours, The Beatles’ Revolver and Oasis’ What’s the Story (Morning Glory). Not exactly what you’d expect an 82-year-old priest famed for his love of Mozart to be bopping along to on his ipod, but hey, he does have that funky hat, rides around in the back seat of an open top Mercedes, and has a penchant for drinking blood.
I’m not going to attack the Vatican for trying to appeal to a broader fan base, but is religion going too far in its commercialism? When the Pope is the proud owner of a limited edition million dollar Ferrari, despite the fact that he can’t actually drive, I think the whole religion/material wealth dichotomy is getting a bit messy.
That said, it’s still fucking hilarious reading Ferrari’s reasoning for gifting “Christianity’s Driver” with the Mondial Spider – Pope Benedict XVI apparently needs some wheels to move into, and I quote, "pole position on the highway of humanity." Sometimes I wish I was part of the God Squad.
"this was just some zero’s disappearing off of a computer screen. They’re imaginary zeros anyway; nothing has been destroyed, we’re not actually poorer, just not as rich as we pretended to be"
Unfortunately those imaginary zeros on the computer screen of a corporation paid for the very real zeros that used to be on ordinary people's paychecks – try telling anybody that has lost their job in this recession that "nothing has been destroyed, we're not actually poorer"
Thats sort of the point, its stupid that people have lost their jobs due to an economic crisis that doesnt involve any economic loss
yeah you anonymous prick.
Loving it again sonny boy, best article on this site for ages. It even garnered me those precious distasteful looks in the Haddon from giggles. xxx
Doll money. I do have a certain stash set aside for limited editions.
you can get a bible for free.
"Doll money"????
This is awesome.
"has a penchant for drinking blood"
Whilst I know you are trying to be humorous, reducing a complex theological notion and trying to present it as something disgusting is really just ignorant. I don't mind you criticising religion, on the contrary it is your right, but there is no need to ridicule what for some people is an important part of their belief for the sake of a cheap joke.
Isn't reducing complex issues and stupid people's belief's into cheap jokes the whole point of the TAB?
'but there is no need to ridicule what for some people is an important part of their belief for the sake of a cheap joke.'
You may see no need for this apparent ridicule, but i think the article would be lacking in individual flavour and attention grabbing diversity without this comical input.
Great to see you adding value to society though you writing!:))
All the way from AUSTRALIA
Peter