Spot the chinos?
I could deal with Drum ’n Bass. The name was pretty self-explanatory. But I can’t be dealing with DubStep. And to be honest, I don’t think you can either. Did anyone understand the genre description of Emma Ents’ advertisement for a Jungle / Dubstep / Grime / Electronica night last Wednesday? Didn’t think so.
There used to be only one edgy bloke at school. Back in the day, he was ostracised by his desire to listen to music that made teachers think the floor was caving in, and mothers fear for perforated ear drums. The penchant for baggy cargo trousers and retro ‘80s sports gear was laughable. But not any longer. Now it’s me, confused and alone at the back of some dingy club, looking at that guy surrounded by a group of people hypnotically bouncing on their knees, thrashing their heads around like pigeons on acid, hands and fingers raised in an apparently universal gesture – the meaning of which still evades me. When did everyone find out that it is in fact Chase AND Status, not Chasing Status?
And why are all of my friends now stealing from veterinarians and horticulturalists? Probably because they realised DubStep is horrifically embarrassing to dance to unless you are categorically tent-pegged. It puzzles me that Mephedrone Cambridge Delivery advertises on the Cambridge DubStep Facebook group. My dad likes gardening but he can’t tell his Caspa from his Rusko.
Most importantly, there aren’t any words to chant along to in these DubStep mixes; I know the words to La Roux, but this Skream chappy put an end to my skreaming, ruining those great club moments of delirious abandonment that I remember fondly every Thursday morning. For instead of dancing in a nice welcoming circle, offering each other VKs and gyrating with the person next to you, everyone at DubStep evenings stands in lines looking at their shoes. No abandoned fancy dress litters the dance floor – and where are those high-heeled, lipped-glossed sex kittens fresh from Cheltenham for me to prey on?
My pink stripy Charles Tyrwhitt shirt does not fit in amongst American-style trucker caps with the hologrammed label still hanging off the back (is this to prove they’ve stolen it?). I want Veuve Cliquot (Shark Buckets at the end of term), not bottles of Fosters. Essentially, I don’t want the police to turn up to my night out unless Benji’s got in a fight with that twat from Girton again; all of the above are not part of my well-practised ‘night out’ repartee.
So whilst you might be tempted to swap your Blues blazer for what you’re passing off as a vintage neon ‘80s shell suit jacket (but is actually your mum’s cagoule), no one will be conned by your change in accent (you’re dropping your t’s, and chatting in some bizarre dialect, but we all know you stole that ketamine off Mummy’s horse trainer). Your pseudo-knowledge of ‘sick’ artists (thanks, Wikipedia) doesn’t fool anyone. The image of the Dub-fiend is as evident of latent insecurity as the Cindies chief. Don’t try and pretend that when you head to Caspa tonight at Clare Cellars, you are a little bit cooler than you were on Wednesday; you’re still the same person, just projecting yet another cultivated image.
quite possibly one of the most ignorant articles I have ever read. good work.
The article is fucking brilliant!
So glad the writer takes himself less seriously than all the idiots commenting below. Nicely written as well.
don't come then, no one's forcing you to listen to dubstep
brilliant!
i quite like dubstep, but someone i didnt feel offended by this…
magic
if you're being satirical, this was funny. if you're serious, you came across like a bemused little shut-in.
here's a banger for everyone going to caspa:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4O2G9hkSmU
you're on a pathetically miniscule high-horse with this article
Fantastic
hilarious!
when i first arrived in cambridge, VERY few knew what dubstep was.
now one can't escape dubstaaap (or drum n baaaass.)
i suppose it's a step up from Cindies (actually, perhaps not, given the completely humourless responses to this article) but dubstep has been dead since it became a who can make the most obnoxious sounding wobble/ sample the 'ardest cockney vowcal competition.
which was about 2 years before any of the current kambar cru got wind of it…
when will the dub stop?
Where the hell did the capital S come from mate? Made an awkward read unbearable!
x2
the article is a ploy to ensure the author can get in to the ridiculously low-capacity venue
YES DEEDEE.
"For instead of dancing in a nice welcoming circle, offering each other VKs and gyrating with the person next to you, everyone at DubStep evenings stands in lines looking at their shoes."
my fave
bigot
Right, I just got back from Caspa. It was probably the best club night (musically) that I've been to in Cambridge. It wasn't pretentious, it wasn't full of people trying to prove they were the most able to step to the shit we all knew he was going to drop in the first place, and it wasn't full of cap-wearing bassheads with social issues. People have just realised that there's better music out there. People are boycotting the awful shit that Life and Cindies spew out (case in point: even these two staples of cheese have added a twenty-minute d&b/dubstep set to their repertoire). People are ready to break horrible Cambridge tradition and go to the nights with the best sounds. Look how successful Emma Ents has been since it restarted. We're in for a really, really good year.
yeah…to be fair clare cellars was good tonight – but don't you much prefer just hearing 20 seconds of a shit tune? fuck….should've gone to cindies.
this reviewer couldn't have come across as a bigger fuckwit if he tried; if you don't like dubstep that's absolutely fine, but why waste your time writing a really quite offensive article about it?
This is spot on. Everyone stop trying so hard, it's embarrassing.
Perhaps the writer shouldn't have resorted to lazy class stereotypes, they detract from what is otherwise a fairly amusing read…But surely those 'people who have realised there is better music out there' could have done so within thirty seconds of their first freshers week visit to Cindies?
Unfortunately, the majority of Cambridge students seem incapable of forming their own opinions on such matters; dubstep is merely the latest bandwagon, whose musical output has become, for the most part, just as unimaginative and grating as your typical 'cheese' playlist. In my opinon Caspa and his chums are at the root of this decline, turning what was once quite a dynamic scene into a parody of itself.
You've all missed the point.
DUBSTEP IS AN UMBRELLA TERM AND WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS
You've all missed the point.
Dubstep is in an umbrealla term and when it rains, it pours.
"No abandoned fancy dress litters the dance floor – and where are those high-heeled, lipped-glossed sex kittens fresh from Cheltenham for me to prey on?"
This just sums it up. You're not cool enough to pull at a dubstep night are you?
Yes mate. Well said. I hope you gain a large following of people just like you that will stay the fuck away from dubstep and all other urban music. Its literally heart breaking when you walk into a sick set by a sick dj and theres people like you falling into me, dancing awkwardly or trying to grind on me. I don't go to cindies and act inappropriately. Each to their own and ONLY their own.
this is SPOT ON and hilariously written. refreshing.
Go back to your X-Factor winners compilation CD you idiot. Your obvious lack of any clue concerning a culture outside of your comfortable commercial nights is embarrassing.
you sir are a massive douche
my god I hope that was a joke article
this is pathetic!
this guy needs to settle down with children and stop pretending he knows how to have a good time.
all very well rinsing dubstep but at the end of the day other people are having fun and this chief is gaffawing alone.
fairly amusing read.
have to say, not a fan of dubstep, i'm not really convinced that it was particularly dynamic when it first emerged either, but if you guys are all at dubstep nights or cindies, means i can dance like a loon at mr scruff nights more often
"means i can dance like a loon at mr scruff nights more often"
yeah, for about twelve hours at a time. some of us like to go all-out for about two hours then call it.
dubstep changed my life. do some mephaketadrone, put some dub on, spend 5 hours pranging out, and then tell us what you think of it
Embarrassing at best
Too bloody right mate. It's a travesty to ruin decent pre-lash locations so that sweaty oiks in ridiculous clothes can sweat on you while you try and get some banter across to a fitty from the Jezebels.
Vintage ‘80s shell suit jackets are pretty much the freshest thing you could ever wear. No need to bring them into this.
you literally repulse me why are you such a moron