It will come as no surprise that putting into Google ‘what men want’ produces some 88 million hits, including websites such as ‘catchhimandkeephim.com.’ and books such as ‘Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus’. But is the only difference between men and women that piece of meat between your legs? The Tab went on a journey to bring you the opinions of some Cambridge students on the matter. This data was compiled in a highly scientific manner, and should be deemed as accurate: Confessions on A4 sheets of paper.
Q: What’s your ultimate fantasy?
The bizarre
‘I would have my girlfriend dress up as Professor McGonagall for the day because I can’t handle her rugged femininity.’
What Can I say? A fetish is a fetish, and a Harry Potter related one is somehow all the more filthy. Don’t be afraid to use this Valentine’s to reveal to your partner your inner most fantasy…
The sexual
Keep it simple, we all like to bump uglies, whether it’s with your soul mate or it’s with someone saved in your phone under the name ‘Terry in the red trousers from Cindies’. Spread the love and not the STIs…
The Romantic
One single man, one loved up boyfriend and one man recently out of a relationship are depicted below. Despite what many people may say, boys like cuddles too and they certainly ain’t afraid of romance. Girls are not the only ones with ‘a lot of feelings.’ Take these guys lead and express yourself! Either with a drunken text, interpretive dance, a poem or a performance on the loot!
The material
Whether it’s something to pet on those cold and lonely nights in college, or the complete works of Sigmund Freud, don’t forget that everyone likes a gift. But take note, no guy on this extensive survey of serious academic research answered with ‘tacky watch’ , ‘teddy bear holding a heart from Clintons’, or ‘David Beckham’s new fragrance’. It seems real-life guys (not in an Argos catalogue) might not want something that’s clichéd after all. What a surprise. Homemade or from the pet shop is the way to go.
Food is the way to a man’s heart
It may be an old saying, as likely to come out of a grandma’s mouth as casual racism and the word ‘deary’, but perhaps it still stands. Not to assume that it’s only men who like a good feed, but it certainly seems, men, food and romance are a threesome made in heaven. Boys, girls, cook up and enjoy!
Coco says Bananas always set the mood for him on Valentine’s Day. Their high potassium and phallic shape are perfect for a night in with his mate.
World peace
One participant asked for peace between North and South Korea. Not something you can buy from Clintons, but certainly an indicator that not all men just want pig products and sexual favours. So here’s to big, worldwide love! Surely on that men and women can agree.
"It will come as no surprise that putting into Google ‘what men want’ produces some 88 million hits, including websites such as ‘catchhimandkeephim.com.’ and books such as ‘Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus’" – The vast majority of those 88 million websites also come up when you search 'what men do not want'.
You are clearly in possession of a poor understanding of the Google algorithm. Snort.
you spell lute "loot"?
I would personally prefer some more stash
So basically, men want sex
You upset me, now we are both in the wrong
Firstly she should always bring a gift – ladies think bonbonbonbons! Then when she's in the kitchen making my sandwich casserole it would be nice if she occasionally used her imagination and made me something special like some hoi-sin crispy owl (I have hinted at it a couple of times). Most importantly, she should always down my pork cylinder – remember, every day should be treat day for your man! After she's performed her duties it would be nice if she could leave me to play on my Buttertendo and just generally be a LAD.
With her array of disguises, she can blend seamlessly into ANY roleplay
Firefighter, holiday maker, infant, explorer, fitness instructor, american, christmas man. And that's not all!
Sailor, croupier, lord mayor's croupier, pyramid worker, theatrical ghost, central american, male air hostess. And that's not still not all!
Gay man, australian, tea lady, comedian, office worker, carpet salesman. That's all.
can brian butterfield jokes sink any lower?
clearly went over your head then.
a pointless and shit article
Blowjob
from sophie thorpe
they all want west house corridor too
Well I'm a girl and as long as I'm fed and fucked I'm happy.
Gross
about what men want
any of the captions in the motherfucking pictures in your motherfucking article
pretty motherfucking easy to read
Pussay, pills, pints or booze, babes and banter…
That's enough Cristiano!
All i want is Klarissa…..
The Tinky-winky sex one is a bit creepy!