Joe Clarke is a 1st year Engineer from St. John’s. He runs a hedge fund.
Photo by Siana Bangura
“A hedge fund is a vehicle for High-Net-Worth-Individuals to invest in while the manager has full discretion over how the funds are used. My hedge fund is what is unhelpfully described as a “Convertible Security Arbitrage Fund”. For a person to be allowed to invest in the fund by law they have to conform to a certain criteria, based on net-worth, income or financial knowledge. My minimum investment is $10,000.
“I take offset long and short positions in equity securities and equity derivatives to delta hedge the portfolio and trade the time premium. In layman’s terms you could say that I use statistical techniques to identify inefficiencies in the markets. These inefficiencies can be exploited for profit.
“The idea came to me at school where I was talking about investing with a like minded individual. I explained the strategy to him and he wanted to invest some money with me.
“The strategy of the fund is very low maintenance, so I only need to look at the portfolio once a week. During the holidays I work towards setting up the fund formally (before I took investor’s money by gentleman’s agreement). Keeping in touch with five lawyers, a consultant and a broker takes a significant amount of time, on top of staying versed in regulatory issues and developing the strategy. I read engineering so my schedule is quite structured and I know when I will be working in advance. This means I can fit the time to work on the fund around my degree.
“I make a decent amount of money (five figures), spending a sizeable proportion of the income on food and wine! I’m partial to a meal out and the odd case of wine with friends, but most of the money is reinvested into the fund”
Julia Nicholson studies Russian and Latin and Evie Monnington-Taylor is a Classicist. Both are 2nd years from Clare. They run a milk delivery business called Milk Maids.
“We came up with the idea because we kept running out of milk/people kept stealing it and it just felt like such a long way to Sainsbury’s - especially if you were in the middle of an essay crisis and needed a cup of tea.
“We have a supplier who delivers to the porters’ lodges in Colony (2nd & 3rd years, Clare) and Memorial Court (1st years). We get up at 6am twice a week (in wind, snow, rain etc.) and stick named labels to the bottles, then carry them around to the appropriate fridges. Customers pay on a termly basis (to our business account, ‘Milk Maids’), signing up for eight weeks’ of deliveries.
“We deliver to about 60-70 people, across all years (including some fellows). It costs £7.99 a term for 1 litre of milk, and £13.99 a term for 2 litres. We can deliver skimmed, semi-skimmed and full milk, as well as soya.
“Our profit margins are enough to make it worth our while, but we have kept our milk prices as low as possible. We haven’t actually paid ourselves the money yet, but have kept it in the business. At the end of each term we use our Milk Maids card to buy ourselves a caterpillar cake as payment.
“We are definitely carrying on through exam term, and intend to carry on next year. We have also thought about expanding into other colleges. We haven’t looked into this very seriously yet, but if anyone reading this is keen to help elsewhere we would love to talk to them about it.”
Spunking christ, how I want 51% of your shitty milk venture.
Is this just "how to make the rest of us feel inadequate"? I would make a snarky comment, but I'm too jealous at the casual "yeah, five figures" comment when I'm still earning £7.25 an hour in my holidays down the local supermarket.
And during exams as well. Tab, that's just a bit mean.
Fuck you. I have to work in a Spoons for £5.81. But then i do get to benefit from the culturally enriching experience of seeing people getting lashed at 9am on a Tuesday morning.
five figures could be £10K
Daddy's contribution?
I dont think John Clarke could have succeeded in sounding like more of an arse.
Congrats, that takes skill.
Joe*
So we have a guy who's a part-time hedge-fund manager on five figures and some girls who put milk outside other people's doors for a few pounds and a caterpillar cake? Isn't this exactly what makes feminism such an unlikely ideology?
So much wrong with that statement.
And from this article we can extrapolate the commercial ability of the two sexes? Don't be a silly billy
Fuck off.
I giggled.
"I’m partial to a meal out and the odd case of wine with friends, but most of the money is reinvested into the fund”
What a twat
Julia and Evie sound like lovely, entrepreneurial people.
Joe Clarke sounds like a privileged twat.
Joe Clarke, esq. sounds like a true hero, you mean.
rich, pretentious bastard that makes me feel sick
Yeah, what a privilege it must be to have an idea and act on it in order to make something out of nothing. Born with a silver spoon etc. Idiot.
I think investment is almost by definition making something out of something else.
No its not
If only we all had schools friends with enough money to invest in our pet projects… you have to have a lot of fucking money lying around to do that…
Would you rather he pissed up his parents' (if it is his parents') money up the wall in Cindies? Fair play to him. Saying that, I could be completely wrong and he could be as much of a tosser as you.
I'm awesome
Why are you buttoned up at the front?
Because there aren't any buttons on the back.
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous too. At least he has a use for you lot.
I like Joe a lot. He is a nice person with impeccable tastes in wine.
I agree- also he's a tiger in bed: Grrrrrrr!
Confimed
He's also pretty good at the 'crossword'…if you catch my drift…
aren't you gay, Jack?
Help! There's something inside of me dying to get out!
I wouldn't give that guy £5000 to invest. He's a fresher engineer with Daddy's money not a economic advisor in the city… Some people need to chill out
He wouldn't let you. Minimum investment $10,000, which comes to about £6 096.82.
"about"
Standard John's.
Inverse snobbery is so repugnant. Clarke has built a business for himself through knowledge and skill. Reading that he earns five figures as a first year undergrad makes me feel envious too, but attempts to belittle his success by suggesting that he had no hand in it ("Daddy's money… rich, pretentious bastard") smacks of you rationalising your own failure to achieve something similar.
Come on. Do you really believe that he started his own hedge fund? And that just anyone could find investors and convinvce them?
"The idea came to me at school where I was talking about investing with a like minded individual. I explained the strategy to him and he wanted to invest some money with me."
So there was someone at his school with over $10000 to spare and they just decided to give it to some teenager with no experience. That's bullshit. Never happened.
Isn't more worrying that people are actually envious of him earning that much in uni. Fair play to him if he's found something he likes doing and he get's something out of it. But is that really what we all should be aspiring to? If I'm gonna turn out being the kind of person who cares so much about making money at least give me these couple of years to live in denial.
welcome to the real world of 10 grand for 10 weeks work during the summer…
Good for Joe, I don't know him personally at all, but I have to hand it to him for being shrewd with his priviledges, whether they are financial, educational or both.
He may make enough money, but does he snort enough coke to be a city boy?
I have just reported Joe Clarke to the FSA. I should hope to god he is probably authorised.
go die
If you were to do that, you would instantly become the biggest twat-cunt-douchbag-wanker-bastard in the whole Cambridge bubble.
Hi Joe. Just to let you know, you are going to get busted. I hope these "five lawyers" you have working with you are good. We like making examples of people like you. Also, this article can be considered a solicitation… you have now committed two crimes. See you in court.
People need to jam their hype about Joe. I know him and yea, I'm envious that he can drink nice wine and own an awesome suit and I can't, but give him his due. So what if he did it with daddy's money or not, I know if I had the opportunity to do that I would, and so would many of the self-righteous people getting all butt-hurt about it. Can't blame someone for making the most of what they've been given.
"Can't blame someone for making the most of what they've been given. "
I agree. Haters gonna hate, can't knock a baller.
BUT this is not the issue.
It's not what he does but the way he goes about it. Those 'butt-hurt' are likely to be so as on receiving these privileges a Tab article revolving around his 'achievements' is published with his full cooperation.
I do hope that all of you who criticise Joe realise that you sound exactly like those who criticise Oxbridge graduates…
How many people refer to us as 'pretentious', 'snobbish', 'elitist', 'privileged' etc? Seriously, you don't need to hate and belittle someone just because he is successful.
It is obvious that Joe comes from a privileged family, but surely we should congratulate him for having used the advantages he's had in a good way. Being a private school graduate myself ('private', and not 'public', because I was not schooled in the UK), I've met many people with money and connections who have done nothing in their lives.
Joe's alright, he can do the Telephone dance.
Don't know the bloke but I know plenty of 'privileged twats' who don't run a hedge fund. Actually I just know a lot of twats who are neither privileged nor hedge fund managers.
"In modern Britain, a privileged background is now as much of a constraint as a poor background". Discuss.
Depends whether or not you consider a five-figure income a constraint.
Fuck off.
I love Joe, especially when he buys me stuff
Just worked it out, even if they sell on the milk at double the profit, they make less than £250 each a term. Working on a 9 week term, that's £27 a week. Is it worth it? Also, compared to the five figure hedge fund dude, this looks extremely unimpressive.
Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
far too big a build up for far too shit a punchline.
I think it's cool that Joe has taken his privileged upbringing and done something successful with it. But for people saying we should congratulate him: what he's done is successfully increased his own wealth. That's great for him and all, but not really something to give the boy a medal for.
I find reverse snobbery tiresome, but to say a privileged background is just as much of a constraint as a poor background is not quite comparing like with like. Yes, discrimination is all bad. But it's too easy to use it as a blanket term for PC scaremongering. A cultural backlash to the upper classes doesn't equate to the same kind of socio-economic disadvantage faced by lower classes. It's not reverse snobbery to state that someone who went to a state school would have had fewer opportunities to start a hedge fund at a young age.
It might be nice, too, if Joe didn't sound so smug. He writes in a very self-congratulatory tone and it actually makes me not envy his success because it seems like it'd make him few friends. This isn't meant in a omg-i-h8-him!!!1111 way; it just made me a little disappointed to read something written by a rich boy coming across like an annoying little rich boy. Doesn't really do anything to lessen the Cambridge/Johns stereotypes.
Those poor Milk Maids have been rather neglected in these comments. They sound nice; well done them!
Complete lol at this guy calling himself a hedge fund with £10,000 minimum investment. Not sure anyone other than himself would call what he does a hedge fund. Id be interested to know what his total assets under management are, I'd venture most of middle englands personal retirement trading fund is more than that.
Great catch ladies!
Incase most of you didn't hate him enough, he also does a cheeky spot of rowing.
Enjoy
(and has a boat club cravat)
Yeah, but how much did you lose, Joe?
This "hedge fund" is a joke. Real hedge funds manage tens of billions worth in assets and their managers get paid significantly more than five figures. Despite his business indeed being worthy of some applause, his self given title of a "hedge fund manager" is entirely unnecessary and overly pretentious, just like his casual quote about "using delta hedging" for this article.
In conclusion, you're a cock.
Mate, gotta start somewhere…
Respect for the hedge fund, but he should probably have a shave if he can't grow a proper beard. His face just looks dirty.
I know Joe
Agree. Not a good look.
its funny, I've just checked the FSA register and JOSEPH CLARKE (or any derivative thereof) is not present. This means one of two things – either, he doesn't do what he says he does (Tab, you've been duped, or have been complicit in inflating this guys alter-ego), or, number two, he is operating illegally without the proper authorisation and associated regulatory oversight. Either way, this guy is a douche, and if number two, will shortly receive a nasty wake-up call.
… are an idiot. Read the article: he has not set up his fund yet – he operates casually for the time being.
Envy is one of the deadly sin, sir.
I could see how people would be misled, given that the bold caption at the top does say "he runs a hedge fund"
being a pedantic dick-head is a sin too you know
I do not consider it pedantic to point out that the guy himself has already said the fund has not been established.
And I could see how people could be misled if they only read the headline. But if they don't read the rest of the article, they are not in a position to comment.
Finally, poor punctuation and inability to construct grammatically valid sentences are not deadly sins, but should be (this IS me being pedantic).
Hi Joe. Whether you view it as "casual" or not, the law is clear. From the above it is clear you require authorisation from the FSA; not doing so is a crime, with substantial penalties. See: http://www.fsa.gov.uk/pages/Doing/Do/index.shtml
We are coming for you.
Are also quite sad.
Well you wouldn't register a hedge fund in the UK! More likely the Cayman Islands or Belize. Tax havens are the way to go.
you're an idiot – regardless of where the fund is domiciled, you still require FSA authorisation to operate from or market within the UK. basically, he is going to get fined. i hope he hasn't spent all his "10k earnings"
Unless….he doesn't? From the dollar figure looks like its an American fund. As long as he doesn't trade whilst in the UK (or register the company in the UK) he isn't performing a wealth management service that the FSA has the juristiction to regulate.
I'm sure one of his lawyers worked that one out. I'd trust 5 people with degrees working at a law firm specialising in investment law more than a know-it-all undergrad…
dollars are the standard currency in which to measure AUM, explaining the $10,000 dollar figure. also, since he has obtained funds from UK investors, he is marketing the fund within the UK. meaning it does fall under UK jurisdiction.
and FYI, I'm an MBA candidate at the Judge – I'm 36 and have spent nearly 13 years working for a large sovereign wealth fund. Perhaps you should look closer to home for the "know-it-all undergrad"..
Perhaps you should read an adult newspaper.
I've read more papers than you've had school dinners
you've read seven papers?
yes. one for every member of your family I've shagged. (double points for sisters)
Thanks for reinvesting in my hedges dude. Gettin' proper lush up in here
Activities: Money. Ergh.
There is no way he is making 5 figures a year. Not possible. Arbitrage exploits the most minute inefficiencies in price, fractions of 1%. To be making even 10k a year would need huge levels of investment in his "fund".
And unless he is secretly also a Jedi there is no way in hell he has convinced that many people to invest in a fund run by someone with zero Markets or Investment training/experience.
He does have a nice suit though.
Damn. Totally busted.
Fair play to Joe, I say. While I'm jealous that he can make quite so much quite so young, I really don't understand a word he's saying, and soon make myself feel better by reminding myself that I don't think that sort of stuff would ever make me happy. Then I go back to my Sainsbury's Basics cornflakes and arts degree with a renewed and inflated sense of vigour and self-worth.
You know what, the Milk Maids have made my world a totally better place.
Who cares about some guy with more money than the average student but less than impressive in the real world?