Former winner and Sharon Osbourne antagonist Steve Brookstein recently said in his rival but ultimately more authoritative X Factor blog that the best judge on this year’s series isn’t Gaz Baz or Kelly Up Tempo Rooooooowwwwland, but rather that all-condemning, #kittysdivas-supporting network known as Twitter.
He’s not wrong, and I spend most of my Saturday evening furiously hashtagging all the Freudian slips made by Louish Waltz and questionable competition questions. More interesting than trying desperately to get #chodeface trending is how we can interpret the support gained by each act on social networking sites and how this correlates with as yet unreleased voting figures.
Don’t worry just yet, I’m not going all intellectual on yo’ ass, but if Twitter is to be taken seriously, then it is pointing to the outcome that in three weeks time we could be celebrating the first group to win The X Factor. I’m not entirely sure how it’s happened, but it is looking increasingly possible that Little Mix will be walking away with the Xmas number one and an illustrious career eating kangaroo cock in the jungle while singing Nessun Dorma.
This week’s movie theme brought the girls’ strongest song yet, and it is not only the judges who agree. In Digital Spy’s weekly poll of who had the best performance, Little Mix smashed it like Redknapp with over 50% of the vote. This popularity must be translating into votes, because the group, along with Marcus and Janet, are now the only acts not to have been in the bottom two.
As we near the end of this four month ordeal, we can safely assume that it will be Little Mix, Marcus and Janet in the final three, and whoever wins will be determined, as these things usually are, by whoever gets to sing ‘Listen’ with Beyoncé. Janet is not being helped by Gaz Baz’s obvious smear campaign, but the other two acts are clearly favourites of the producers and are being shepherded into the final like boys into Louish Waltz’s dressing room.
“We got no votes!”
So where does that leave the two remaining contestants, Misha B(NOC) and Amelia ‘She Doesn’t Even Go Here’ Lily? Out of everyone, these singers have the most chance of being pop stars after their contract with Satan Cowell ends, but there is unfortunately no point in considering them as relevant any more. Misha was ruined by the bully rumours but managed to cry her way through this week, and deservedly so. She is one of the most consistent contestants in the show’s history, and it is only a brief bout of Danyljohnsonitis which has stopped her from going all the way.
Last week the public were caught up in another BIG TWIST, but this week was all about the established contestants. If Amelia thinks she can just waltz in and make everyone love her again and forget about The Habibis, well, she’s got anuvva fing comin’, schweet’eart. The pink-haired one’s appearance in the bottom two with Craig Colton (#jarofbiscuits) disproved the assumed fickleness of the voting public. It seems that we still retain some thoroughly British tradition, even in the face of X Factor drama. We want pies, not tartlets; Dot Cotton, not Stacey Slater; Cheryl and not Nicole.
Amelia probably wasn’t helped by the fact that she sang a new, independent number by an up-and-coming soul singer called Aretha Franklin (am I pronouncing that right?). Gaz, Kellz and Louish had all heard it, being regular readers of the old NME, but Tulisa was completely ignorant to Aretha’s oeuvre. I don’t like to end on a rant, but Tulisa should be forced to wear a dunce cap (she can tilt it if it looks more ‘street’) for the remainder of the series. She is doing a great job with Little Mix, but is dull, incongruous and has about as much finesse as the cover art for N-Dubz’s Greatest Hits. And wot?
I like Tulisa. The judge that is out of order is Gary Barlow. Constant sniping at Janet for being predictable is bad. Saying that Amelia shouted her way through the sing-off is too far. Criticising teenage girls to improve your own acts' chances (when you chose Frankie f***ing Coccoza) is unacceptable.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Tulisa is so awful as a judge, and is clearly the worst female judge ever to have been on the X Factor. She embarrassed herself this weekend. I'd understand if they had her there as totty, but they keep dressing up her ridiculously so you can't even find her that attractive.
Gary clearly was the wrong choice. Everyone in the world would have preferred Robbie any day. I resent that you can have a go at him for having an opinion on the girls' performances though. Amelia was hardly great in the sing-off, and Janet is so boring I almost wish Matt Cardle was back…
I'll admit Tulisa's judging isn't always that insightful but she seems honest. She was better at the initial audition stage.
It's not having an opinion that bothers me, it's coming up with comments that are dishonest and purely there to lessen the chances of other judges' acts. Janet has sung similar songs each time, but then so did Craig. How many up-tempo songs has he sung? Any more than one? And as good as Marcus is, he's now sticking to the lively-song, dance-around energetically routine. I, myself, don't think it's an issue. Most pop stars have a niche and stick to it but Gary Barlow being hypocritical over it annoys me.
Equally, saying Amelia shouted her way through a song is just needless, Craig cried his way through his, which is surely worse.
Jar of Biscuits is a classic Simon Young moment. I expect royalties.
Little Mix were incredible.