The best thing that someone can tell me is that they did a LOL while reading something I’d written. Not just a titter or a snort, but a proper, full-on, milk-spurting-out-the-nose guffaw.

This is not because it is my primary intention to tickle your funny bones (I’d just transparently link to hilarious YouTube videos if I wanted that), but because these rare moments cement exciting communication between writer and audience.

The whole thing is much easier with actual human beans. Recently I invited some old school friends round for dinner, and I cannot remember the last time I laughed so freely and uncontrollably. There is no better sound than raucous laughter, particularly when its stimulus is so inane. We like to play a game whereby you win if you can name the most obscure person from your school days. So, Jason Ampadu, if you’re reading this, thanks.

Of course, laughter works better in a group, even if you don’t know the people you are with. Stand-up comedy shows are hilarious when you’re there, but as soon as you leave the theatre you can’t remember a single joke. Similarly, packed cinemas are safer places to cackle at Borat and Azamat Bagatov’s naked wrestling than the creepy isolation of your bedroom, where you can make infinite hand parties to Baywatch.

However, unbridled laughter is becoming a thing of the past amongst Da Yoof, and I think, like most of the world’s problems, we can blame Paris Hilton. At the beginning of the millennium, the heiress and her ceiling dancing mate Nicole Ritchie coined the phrase ‘That’s Hot’, sparking years of young people expressing opinions to their BFFs in total banality.

And what does this have to do with laughter? Well, I find myself increasingly irritated when someone attempts to make a group laugh, and they are met with the following energy-sucking response:

“That’s so funny.”

Thanks, Paris. If what was said was truly funny, you would laugh. Not too little, but not too much either. It’s advisable to not copy the evil genius in your party, but if you feel the edges of your mouth tingling or your sides beginning to split, you’ve gotta give something back to your entertainer. Just think of it as the laughing equivalent of putting singles in their G-string.

If this all seems entirely fake, don’t worry, I’ll give you some help. My research into the perfect laugh to maintain politeness and avoid awkwardness has taken me to Family Guy, and one particularly satisfied ostrich. Strangely, this little critter finds himself all alone, and yet he still forces a laugh:

This is the kind of laugh that is intended to be heard, even though the ostrich has no crowd to impress. It is long enough to be respectful, but the laboured, breathy tone suggests that this is the bare minimum that the ostrich is willing to give to a joke that, really, wasn’t that great. You might even say that he was *ahem* avian a laugh.

Altogether now: A-ha-ha!

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