A man has been sentenced to four weeks in prison for stealing phones in Lola Lo… by dancing.

Groovin’ gangster Wasil Bouarfa, 23, was arrested last week and pleaded guilty to nicking seven mobiles in Lola Lo.

The Cambridge Magistrates’ Court was told that he would grind on female victims and then pickpocket them. Presumably they were too distracted by his moves to notice.

The site of the crime. SIM-ply despicable.

Cantabs are none too happy about the conga criminal. Juan Zober de Francisco told The Tab that he hopes this “smooth criminal gets what’s coming to him.” Rest easy, Juan, he’s doing the Jailhouse Rock already.

But it seems that this is just part of a spate of recent phone thefts in Cambridge pubs and clubs.

In 2008, Cambridge was ranked as the worst city for mobile phone crime in Britain. Figures show that a whopping 20% of Cambridge residents have been victims of mobile fraud.

And the trend doesn’t show any signs of stopping. Alice Fulwood, a Pembroke third year, had her phone stolen on a recent Saturday night in Spoons.

“I looked down at my bag and saw it was open,” says Alice. “I reported it to the bouncers but they said it was one of nine phones reported missing in the last half hour.”

Cambridgeshire police have issued a warning, describing the thefts as “a continuing problem in the city centre.”

“The majority of phones have been stolen from bags, often while still on the victim. People should keep valuables safely tucked away and be wary of anyone hanging around acting suspiciously.”

Oxford was star struck this week by appearances from both Peter Andre and Wu-Tang Clan founder the GZA.

Speaking at the Oxford Union to a gaggle of adoring freshers, Andre’s appearance was noticeably lower-key than the hip-hop legend, who delighted his audience with a speech seamlessly woven with song lyrics.

Oxford Union’s finest

Meanwhile, Andre moaned for a bit about being famous, expanded on his latest charity exploits and rather condescendingly told students that, if they tried really, really, really hard, they could be just like him. Aww.

“Can you say that something you really, really wanted, you have gone and done it?” Andre asked one perplexed student who promptly responded “No”, and then revealed his dream was to be a biologist.

Indeed most of the people in the chamber seemed to want to be biologists, or MPS or doctors – except, apparently, the two Union hacks sat behind me during the speech (Rah, rah, going to release a single like Andre, yah, total bantz.) These two noble scholars truly challenged, nay, redefined my preconceptions about the good ol’ Union – thanks, chaps.

In other news, there has been rather a large ding-dong going on between Oxford’s Christian Union and the rest of the University, namely its baby-eating, saint-bashing moral-hating unwashed masses. The gig was that sceptical students would text the society with a question about Jesus and, in response some poor bastard would come to their room to do the laundry, and answer their question.

For most, it was a jolly good deal. However for the atheists among the colleges it proved a delicious opportunity for what I believe the internet-savvy refer to as “trolling.” The result, as you can probably imagine, dear reader, was a great deal of outrage on both sides, which was all fun and games until someone tried to exonerate the pope from his complicity in child abuse. Whoops.

So tell me about Jesus…

Elsewhere, the University’s student union are unrolling their plans for a new community warden scheme, which is supposed to improve town/gown relations. If their promotional pamphlets are to be taken literally, it also involves tooling up in a Wolverine costume.

The history library debate has also raged on, without anyone paying much attention and the University’s Harry Potter Soc has announced plans of a Sorting Hat evening, much to the glee of its legions of bespectacled nerds. What would Emma Watson say, I hear you jocularly ask. That remains a mystery, at least for now…

And that’s about it for this week, folks – Rothwell out.

We’ve heard (library) whispers about an intriguing new Cambridge project, and now a little birdie (an anonymous pigeon, actually) has tipped us off about a website that lets students predict each other’s futures. 

The Oracle invites students to make “true and kind” predictions about their friends and send them advice for the future.

The predictions are posted to pigeon holes, and all contain the warning “This letter contains a prediction of your future… If you are uncomfortable with this idea please destroy this letter now.”

You will meet a tall dark stranger…but not on RAG Blind Date

Speaking to the anonymous creators of the Oracle, The Tab was told that sometimes your best mates “might be reluctant to predict or offer advice to a friend.

“The Oracle gives them this opportunity.”

And students so far are keen to get started. Magdalene second year James Harrison said that “the future can seem intimidating and everybody here feels a lot of pressure to succeed in life. Anything that lightens the mood can only be a good thing!”

However, Newnham second year Jess Munro is a little less optimistic.

“This is really self-defeating and they’ll probably be really mundane,” thinks Jess. You can expect to see cards in the post saying “you will have lots of work and then get pissed in Cindies.”

Having said that, she says, “I’m obviously now sending them to all my friends.”

Keep checking The Tab to find out how this mysterious project (Beginning, Middle) ends.

If you want to predict a friend’s future for free click HERE. 

The Met Office has issued a severe weather warning this weekend for Cambridge. 

Temperatures have been plummeting since Friday and this morning Cantabs woke up to a heavy snowfall. The forecast is for up to 10cm that was heaviest in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Selwyn snowed under – photo by Catherine Airey

The Met Office states that the weather should begin to “clear” later on during Sunday.

The website have also advised residents to “take extra care” in the freezing weather, and that the “ice and snow is likely to lead to travel disruption.”

John’s looking white – photo by Oscar Williams-Grut

It seems that under the snow some students are suffering. Adam Lee, a Pembroke second year is having a hard time keeping his cool. “I’m on thin ice. I’m snowed under with work and now snowed into my house.”

But others are being a bit more positive, like second year Trinity student Nick Marshall. “Everyone should just chill,” says Nick. “I’m going to grab life by the snowballs, get on out there and have a good time.” You go, Nick.

Oxford announced plans this week to scrap its History library. Move went largely unnoticed by history students.

It’s been a tough week for history students. First off, Jimmy Wales had the sheer audacity to black out Wikipedia, ruining their essay for Hilary term.

Now the University intends to scrap the library altogether and siphon off its thousands of expensive paper weights to other corners of the Dreaming Spires. It has even been suggested that borrowing books will thereon become impossible, prompting a panic borrowing frenzy that led to more than five books being taken out before closing time on Friday.

In other news, Lembit Opik was his usual charming self at President Drinks in the Oxford Union, which followed after a debate about bad laws that ought to be broken. Always happy to please, Opik delighted the assortment of brilliant young minds at the after-debate drinks by whipping out his harmonica and using it to demonstrate the extent of his sexual prowess. So that’s what that poor Cheeky Girl saw in him, evidently.

Oh, and he played some blues with the harmonica too – apparently he’ rather good. And he carries it around with him everywhere. Not that you’ll find anything pertaining to this fascinating insight into Opik-land in The Oxford Student, who he threatened with legal action if he published it.

A few days after Opik-gate, broadsheet-favourite Elly Nowell instructed Oxford students to “get a sense of humour”, and rightly brought it to everyone’s attention that the University is crawling with port-swilling fascists, Jaeger-drenched louts, pretentious idiots and Iranian torturers. According to one student, “much lolling ensued”, and our superior yet somewhat puritanical rival (just ask Corpus Christi students) the Cherwell drew a lovely half-page cartoon of her. Chips, anyone? Elly’s got plenty.

Meanwhile Wadham’s self-styled battalion of lads slapped down the meat-free meals day in college and were promptly subject to a torrent of abuse from biased reporters and “rainbow-cake-loving vegan wankers.”

Last but not least there were reports of a wild bear roaming the University parks, according to one 2nd year English student, though reports circulated shortly after that the chief eyewitness had more mescaline than blood in his veins, at the time of the bear-sighting.

The scare-mongering campaign was nipped in the bud shortly after. Indeed this is probably the first your dear cousins at the Other Place will have heard of that strange and terrible evening.

UPDATE: 1st February

A post mortem has revealed that the man discovered by rowers last week died from drowning.

It is thought that the man had been in the river for a few days before he was found by a sculler early on Sunday morning.

However police have decided not to treat the death as suspicious. A spokesman said that “we have passed the details on to the coroner. An inquest will be held in due course.”

————————————

A body has been found in the River Cam today, confirm Cambridge Police.

A sculler out on the river for an early morning row saw a body and alerted local cops, who have now cordoned off the area around Fort St. George, near Midsummer Common.

Speaking to Cambridgeshire Police, The Tab learned that the body is a man believed to be in his 30s, and the circumstances of his death are still unclear.

Fort St.George, near where the body was found

Inspector Kate Scott working on the investigation said that events would be treated “as suspicious until proven otherwise,” as a “more sinister” cause of death had not been ruled out.

Police have asked that no-one use the river today in the surrounding area to help the investigation.

A body was found under similar circumstances in the Cam last term.

More to follow.

An unidentified man EXPOSED HIMSELF to a Murray Edwards student on Saturday.

A spokesman for Cambridgeshire Police reported “We were called just before 7.10pm to reports a man had indecently exposed himself in Grange Road.

The ‘square-faced’ man is a white male, approximately 30 years old, and was wearing a blue checked shirt and jeans.

A woman was cycling along the road when she noticed a car parked on the side of Grange Road with the boot open. As she cycled past she noticed the man was indecently exposing himself.”

The Dean of Murray Edwards has warned girls to “take steps not to be out in the area on your own.”

The intrusive effects of these attacks on students is summed up by Sophie Madden, second year historian at Murray Edwards, who said “I know some of us are still a bit shaken up from last term and I’ll admit that since then I feel much less safe, even just walking to the library in the dark.”

This incident, similar to one which occurred last term, coupled with the ongoing attacks of the still at-large “Cambridge sex attacker”, have led some to question the safety of women in the area.

Madden believes that “there isn’t much the police can do to be honest. Personally I do think the female colleges are targeted, and it’s probably a good reason not to have all-female colleges!”

But Robinson student Kate Fairhurst takes a more sanguine view of the situation “I think it is too easy for students to be caught up in the College bubble and forget they live in an ordinary town too: a town that will unfortunately have incidents like this occur.

Warnings about personal safety satisfy the consciences of those trying to prevent offences, but in reality, we do not need these warnings to act sensibly.”

An extended power cut last night caused chaos at John’s. 

Since 6pm last night students had no electricity.

Disgruntled Johnians are dealt with no power, no internet and no dinner. Formal Hall was cancelled and the Buttery was also closed.

Second year geographer Nick Marshall has been experiencing some technical difficulties thanks to the outage.

Artist’s impression

“I’m having a torrid time,” says Nick. “My degree has been put on hold during the blackout, as internet failure has limited my use of Wikipedia.”

“To add insult to injury, my new MacBook Pro and iPad 2 have run out of battery.” Sad times for all involved.

Power was restored to the colleges by this morning, however.

Although students were deprived of the internet for a whole evening, it wasn’t all bad.

Third year economist Ciaran Rogers said that “it’s pretty shocking that there’s no power. But we managed to put some energy back into the evening with a game of next level hide and seek in the library.”

Almost all of the Silver stolen from the Corpus chapel earlier this month has been melted down, a Cambridge Court was told on Friday. 

Of the £11,596 of silver stolen police were only able to recover £956 worth, the Ciborium, the Everyday Paten, and the Sunday (Knight) Paten, as reported in The Tab last week.

However, in the trial of the man charged with taking the precious items it was revealed that the remaining £10,640 is believed to have been melted down.

The news will come as a huge blow to the college, who described the items as “irreplaceable”.

The accused man, 37 year old Scott Thomas, appeared by video link from Peterborough prison where he is being remanded in custody, to plead guilty to multiple counts of theft.

Magistrates told Scott Thomas that, considering the ‘high value’ of the items, he needed ‘to be dealt with by the crown court’ rather than in the magistrates court where the maximum sentence would have been 12 months in prison.

Thomas was also charged with the theft of thousands of pounds worth of bicycles from around Cambridge, including those taken from Clare College, Sidgwick Site and St Edmunds. Thomas admitted stealing Professor Simon Keynes’ £450 bike in August 2011.

He was caught earlier this month when a local antiques dealer alerted police after being offered the goods by Thomas, who claimed to have found the distinctive silverware whilst ‘clearing out some items’. Thomas was asking for £100 for the goods, but accepted £30.

Matilda and Matthew of intrepid Team 111 won this year’s RAG jailbreak after reaching Singapore, a staggering 6705 miles from Cambridge.

The pair, who managed to reach Singapore told the jailbreak team that they had a “surreal” experience. As of this evening, they’re enjoying a traditional Singaporean breakfast watching the sunrise. Alright for some.

The distance was 782 miles further than their closest rivals for the victory, Team 110′s Laurence and Johann, who reached Hong Kong.

In the land race Team 150 (Daisy and Husein) narrowly beat Team 33 (Sam and Julia), reaching Murcia in Spain, just 35 miles further than their nearest competitors who made it to the Polish town in Suwalki.

Around the world, Around the world…

They win BigFishEnts VIP cards whilst the overall winners receive tickets to the Robinson May Ball.

But also deserving of a mention are the hardcore Team 159, who made it as far as central London by running.

Other faraway destinations this year included Dubai, Istanbul, New York, Miami and Helsinki, as jailbreakers travelled further than ever before to raise money for Cambridge RAG.

However, inevitably some failed to make it as far as they would have liked, as some teams remained in Britain for the whole 36 hours, including Tab Editor Kieran Corcoran.

Kieran had a bit of a tough time trying to make it out of Gatwick. He texted in that “Gatwick airport is a cruel mistress, and with less than an hour’s sleep per (drooping) head” it was curtains for Kieran. Better luck next year.

Kenton Whitehall on the Jailbreak Committee says that 2012 was “the biggest ever” year for the event, and was also the most “successful” to date. It’s pretty impressive that Jailbreakers clocked up 100,000 miles between them and visited over 28 countries. Not bad for just 36 hours.

If you missed out on any of our jailbreak coverage you can read our live updates, complete with the final map HERE.