Last week plucky Selwyn smashed big-dog John’s with 56% of the vote.

THE RESULTS ARE IN – CLICK HERE FOR FULL REPORT 

See everyone’s progress on the map below, and find out who’s where by clicking on team names underneath.

Also, check lower down for the most exciting jailbreak updates as well as running commentary from Tab favourites Kieran Corcoran, Sophie Thorpe, Ben Dalton and Evie Prichard.

22.16 We have been told that results will be in very soon. Just chasing up the last few teams.

22.07 Team 148 has been traced to the sky above the Atlantic Ocean near Canada! They may not have touched down in time, but still a memorable finish! Confirmations keep coming in as the results are beginning to take shape...

21.26 And it has been confirmed that a team landed in Canada in the last hour. And that the team which landed in Helsinki have no coats. In -14C snow. Good luck to them and their extremities.

21.14 Updates continue as the Jailbreak Team receive confirmations of destinations. Team 2 managed to land in LA with two minutes to spare – talk about cutting it fine! It was worth it though, as it has managed to land them in the top five distances – congratulations.

Team 151 have turned up in Fuertaventura, as you do.

21.00 It’s over! After a fantastic effort on everyone’s part, Jailbreak 2012 comes to a close. But keep your eyes on The Tab for official results...

20.54 The finish is approaching and we just got bombarded by updates…

Having managed to cover 179 km in around 90 minutes in the snow, Team 178 have made it to Brno, Czech Republic. A total of 747 miles from Cambridge.

Team 190 have made it to Hamburg after spending the day seeding flowers in Dortmund, planking, meeting football fans and sharing a ride with a Romanian family who had managed to buy too many train tickets.

Team 89 have just arrived in their final destination, Twatt, in the Orkney Islands. Possible prize for best-named finishing position?

20.17 And a message from Ben and Tamsin: lying on our second floor in 24 hours. Read every mag in the mag shop. Have reached Koln!

20.05 All the teams seem to be celebrating reaching or approaching their final destinations. Team 67 are in Belgium and are about to get on the celebratory wine, and team 152 (Jack and Winston) who delivered their polar bear to Paris. Also, team 178 are slightly concerned to be travelling at 180km.h through the Czech Republic in snowy conditions as they aim to reach Brno.

And a message from Jailbreak HQ: We’re also getting in the celebratory mood with our evenings – if not our entire 36 hours – having been made complete by finally being able to speak to the wondrous Sophie Thorpe. Sophie’s antics and continual appreciation of all the people of the UK throughout Jailbreak has inspired us all. What an amazing person.

19.58 A closing message from our beloved Sophie Thorpe: We’re on a train homeward bound, and can understand almost everyone in these parts. This is a good sign. We would just like to thank everyone who has been generous enough to give us a lift over the past two days…But most importantly, we NEED to thank Owen, the best RAG rep in the world. We will treasure our memories of him from the weekend. xoxo. (well done guys!!)

19.31 One of our favourite teams, 159, who are amazingly walking the entire thing, have reached their target of Central London, and are now fundraising and doing challenges.

19.18 We’re really excited about the land race – In a battle of South vs East, Team 150 in Murcia are winning at 982 miles but have turned in for the night. Do team 33 in Suwalki, Poland (947 miles) have enough time left to catch them? Stay tuned to find out…

18.37 Team 65 have just touched down the The Big Apple. Two more teams are racing to get there before 9pm….

18.30 OK, we haven’t had any FUN FINLAND FACTS for a while. Team 6, Kathleen and Daniel are settling in Helsinki, where they are about to make snow angels. It’s -7 degrees, and they’re regretting not bringing coats. Did you know that Finland entered the Eurovision song contest for the first time in 1961, and have participated a total of 45 times, winning for the first time in 2006? No? Well now you do.

18.24 Shagaluf’s team 174, Shaun and William, are on the lookout for drunk, rich bankers. Best of luck, boys.

18.18 Big dog Kieran has FAILED, that’s right, FAILED to leave the country. “Gatwick airport is a cruel mistress, and with less than an hour’s sleep per (drooping) head this could be curtains up for us,” he says. Kieran promises to write a ‘How not to do Jailbreak’ feature in the near future. We can hardly wait.

18.15 Meanwhile, Matilda and Matthew in Singapore have booked into a hotel on Orchard Parade, and are being treated like royalty, courtesy of Ron who has booked them cinema tickets for tonight. “This is too amazing at night, everything lit up, stunning,” they say.

18.11 Team 195, Justin and Clare, are have just checked into a hotel in West Palm Beach, Florida. Appaz they’re “basking in sunshine.” Could not be more jel.

18.06 With no updates from BBB (Big Bearded Ben) and Tamsin for the last few hours, we can only assume that they have finally given in to the sexual tension between them, and overcome their crotch hygiene issues. We wish them the best of luck in their future endeavours.

17.59 Team 165 are at Land’s End. BORING. Meanwhile, teams 73 and 174 have met up Shagaluf for a “Huge Night Tonight.” We wonder what they could possibly mean…

In other news, team 104 are staying in The Ritz in Dubai. It’s alright for some!

17.53 Team 7 are off to the Orkney Islands. I’ve no idea where that is either.

17.27 OK, we’re experiencing a severe lack of updates here at The Tab, so it’s time for more FUN facts about FINLAND. Did you know that the only language that Finnish is related to is Hungarian? Or that, contrary to popular belief, Finland is not part of Scandinavia?

17.14 With four hours to go, everything could change on the back of a good or bad hitch. The current frontrunners are:

33 – Sam & Julia heading to Lithuania

150 – Daisy & Hussein heading to Alicante

178 – Joseph & Pavlin heading East from Prague

17.11 BREAKING NEWS: Sophie Thorpe has had enough of tartan.”Edinburgh is now looking sinister, rather than majestic,” she explains.

16.45 Forget Finland, The Thorpedo has just touched down in Edinburgh. She says: “Sad to leave the dramatic scenery of the highlands behind, but Edinburgh is looking darn good in the daylight! Nice and busy, so hoping for a good response.”

16.42 As it stands Jailbreakers have visited a total of 24 countries, including Estonia, Morocco, Luxembourg and Finland. I’m Finnish, so we’re going to be focusing on fun facts about Finland. Interesting fact number 1: The word for both ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ in Finnish is: ‘kiitos.’

16.31 The boring bits of Europe are so in vogue right now, with Isabelle and James joining a political protest in Brussels and Emma and Theo getting in the wrong car and finding themselves en route to Switzerland. Meanwhile, Chan and Lim have just touched down in Estonia. I’ve been there. Booze is cheap.

16.24 The shockers just keep coming in. Andrew, of Cyprus Sea fame, went swimming not with Elise, as previously understood, but rather with a MALT LOAF.

16.21 In a Jailbreak shocker, Andrew and Elise (team 79) have taken a break from fundraising, and are swimming in the Cyprus Sea. You heard it here first.

16:09 The Thorpedo is just about to arrive at Edinburgh station, and plans to spend 45 minutes collecting money there before getting on a train to Peterborough. Can she survive 45 minutes in Scotland? Only time will tell…

In other less exciting news, Carlo and Nicolas (team 124) have officially landed in Morocco. “Yeah baby, we’re in the desert!” they say. I’m well jel.

16:02 Team 110, Laurence and Johann have settled in Hong Kong, and are enjoying freebies in Chinatown.

15:54 Big Bearded Ben is back on the rampage. He’s just performed a mini-striptease on the train but failed to get any rewards other than stinky feet. On the upside, he’s now bagged a reduced train tickets to Cologne. No further updates as to the raging sexual tension between him and Tamsin, his long-suffering fellow jailbreaker.

15:35 Doing very well is Evie who seems to be flying to NYC for the second year running. Can she make it before 9pm?

15:24 Another update from Kieran who’s finding the Gatwick flight-hunt difficult. “It might end in tears.” We still believe in you, Kieran.

15:18 Touchdown reports are coming in from Marrakech where Carlo and Nicolas from Team 124 are enjoying some winter sun, and Team 6′s Daniel and Kathleen have made it to Helsinki where they’ve accepted an ambitious snow angel challenge.

14:56 BREAKING NEWS: Faced with a lack of hope, luck, and Mel Gibson, Sophie Thorpe is heading South. She’s cut her losses after figuring that going all the way to the northern coast would have raised less than a pound. Today’s last train south left five minutes ago, with a sleep deprived Sophie on board, still collecting money.

14:50 Sophie Thorpe has fallen to the fear of “more ghastly petrol-infused twilight hours” but she’s still shaking her moneymaker (her bucket) up near Inverness. Stay strong, Sophie.

14:42 A lucky few have managed to blag flights! Esther and Charles from Team 46 are headed to Macedonia, Team 92 have just touched-down in Ankara, while Team 148, Carmen and David are just about to board for NYC. Can they make it in time for the big finish at 9pm?

14:28 The land race is still going strong. Sam and Julia of Team 33 are the favourites to win as they’re speeding towards Lithuania and could rack up over 1000 miles over land. But can they beat Team 178, Joseph and Pavlina who are hurtling through the Czech Republic with a driver who can’t see the difference between homosexuality and vegetarianism?

14:10 Big Dog Kieran is on his way to Gatwick to take a couple of long shots. He says it’s now all or nothing time. Jailbreak is getting serious.

13:55 Other teams are now enjoying themselves having come a long way. Team 105, Michael and Mothusi have finished off a three course meal in the Blue Mosque of Istanbul, Elan and Joshua of Team 147 have been screaming for an ice-creaming, and Team 47′s Henry and Russell are heading for a catch-up with the Pope.

13:39 What else is new? Team 118, Nicholas and Anna are off to find an onion convention in Paris while the mega-lash fiends of Team 174, Shaun and William are in ‘shaggaaaaaaluuuuuuuuuf’ to get some early afternoon drinks in. Mental.

13:20 Evie is heading to Heathrow! She’s now BFFs with an entire tube carriage and is about to surprise her friend with plane tickets. She says her “optimistic swimming costume is once again defunct.” We’re not exactly sure what she means either.

12.48 More updates from Tabsters on the road. Sophie Thorpe is “in Inverness at a petrol station hoping for a lift further north. Not having much luck! Got given some sweets though…” Meanwhile things aren’t looking up for Kieran: ”Cashed in and headed to Gatwick almost penniless. Miracles anyone?”

12.26 Kieran is still stuck in London trying to raise funds. He says: “If there’s a prize for distance travelled on foot, it’s ours. Otherwise legoland might be our best bet.” Not so sure about the distance travelled on foot award after hearing about Team 159 efforts to run everywhere.

12.10 Leaders Team 111 seem to be having a great time in Singapore. Matilda and Matthew say they’re: “booked into a hotel on Orchard Parade! Being treated like royalty courtesy of Ron, with a meal and cinema tickets booked for tonight! This is too amazing at night everything lit up, stunning.” I’m guessing Ron is the American businessman they met.

12.06 Team 93 are trying to better Istanbul by buying tickets to Ankara (from Istanbul). Good to also see two of the Friday night Dover/London teams off to Bologne and Milan (123, 117 respectively).

12.04 Incredibly, Team 159 are running the whole trip! They’re currently at Cheshunt and plan to get to central London and raise money/do sponsorship challenges. Massive respect.

11.13 More news from the Tab teams on the road. Sophie Thorpe: “I forgot that a gang of yobs (average age 14) turned on us outside Tesco. “You look cool don’t yer?” they mouthed off. Our clown outfits have turned on us again.” Meanwhile Ben Dalton and Tamsin Lim say: “Yabadabadooo! On the way to Belgium with Christoff and his car of babyseats. Haven’t eaten since 11 yesterday and are running on sheer panic and Evian. Levels of crotch hygiene reaching new lows.” Lovely stuff.

11.09 Team 6, who are heading for Helsinki have just realised that it will be -7°C there. Should have bought coats!

11.04 Team 111 have stolen the lead from Team 110! Team 111 have just touched down in Singapore Changi International Airport, besting Team 110, who landed in Hong Kong just an hour ago. Meanwhile, the teams headed to Helsinki and Marrakesh are just taking off.

11.00 While some are taking to the skies, the land-race is also heating up. Daisy and Husein, Team 150, are heading to Alicante trying to get a ferry across to Morocco, which would make them potential winners of the land race if successful. Team 179 are giving them a run for their money though, hoping to get to Berlin by lunchtime. They’re currently travelling down a road with a Middle East war correspondent!

10.53 Sophie Thorpe warns us that her battery is running low, but says: “Watched the sun rise over the mountains from the roadside, but now en route to Inverness. A timone-like creature is swinging in my face. Hakuna matata.”

10.45 Jailbreak will be entering Scandinavia and Switzerland soon. Teams will be landing in Geneva, Zurich and Helsinki later today.

10.29 As well as Team 110 making it to Hong Kong, Team 111  is apparently enroute to Singapore. Two teams – Team 2 headed to Los Angeles and Team 148 headed to New York – will also be landing shortly after the 9PM deadline meaning there final position will be in the air! Team 23 will also be touching down in Calgary with just an hour to spare before the deadline if everything goes to plan.

10.12 Team 110 have apparently just touched down in Hong Kong, putting them in the lead. Meanwhile Evie says flights to Tel Aviv have sold back so they’re heading back to London via the same train. “Dreading the same conductor”, she says.

10.05 Team 150, Husein and Daisy, are blogging their jailbreak on the fantastically named blog BrailJeak. Our map still has them in Cambridge but according to their blog they’ve just reached Spain and are heading for Morocco. Read it here: http://www.brailjeak.blogspot.com/. Meanwhile Kieran is still fund raising in London: “Hoping Oxford Street will yield up its riches. One last push.” Good luck!

9.45 Think it is cold here? Sophie Thorpe is below zero in Aviemore, a Scottish ski resort. Team 194 (Susie and Alex) have also ‘FOUND SNOW’ in St. Michel, France.

9.00 12 hours to go and we are awaiting the arrival of teams in Miami, Hong Kong and Singapore.

8.55 It has been a sleepless but exciting night for many of the Jailbreak teams. Team 2 (Raphael and Danielle) have boarded a flight to LA, expected to arrive shortly after the 9pm cut-off. Other teams are heading to Bologna, Warsaw, Madrid, Barcelona, Macedonia and Istanbul. Fantastic effort!

8.22 I do not envy Ben Dalton. Having hitchhiked out of Calais he was accidentally dropped back and was forced to spend the night ‘in purgatory. Five hours under a motorway bridge then two hours sleep on the ticket office floor with lost Slovakian immigrant. Finally getting out of Calais hoping to slope to Belgium’. Good luck to him.

8.17 And what of the over teams’ night-time ventures? Team 25 (Ng and See) are enjoying the sun on their way to Madrid. Team 104 (Abudulah and Michael) are enjoying yet another free coffee in a Dubai Costa, but it looks like Team 111 (Matthew and Matilda) remain in the lead with their Singaporean flight.

8.05 Sophie Thorpe is on the move again. She has been dropped in Aviemore by two ice climbers. It is ‘bloody cold but bloomin’ beautiful. What a morning to see the mountains!’.

8.00 So we have officially reached DAY TWO of Jailbreak. Only 13 hours and counting…

4.10 Meanwhile, Evie Prichard is encountering trouble: ‘A guy ran off with out bucket full of money. We gave chase and wrestled it back’.

4.04 It seems like Sophie Thorpe prayer’s have been answered, as she is ‘much cheered’ after her first sighting of a man in a kilt. Time for some breakfast at McDonalds. Apparently, ‘talk has turned to the human centipede’. Slightly concerning.

1.21 Sophie Thorpe  has reached Edinburgh, which is looking majestic at night. But despite the majesty, she is ‘so cold, so tired, so dark. The hope has gone’. Let’s hope things can only get better...

00. 42 Kieran isn’t having much luck – ‘SCREW YOU STANSTED. Cashing our earnings and heading to London for a fundsy all nighter.’

23.42 Sophie Thorpe has definitely not turned in for the night. She is in Glasgow, ‘sprinting through the hordes of youths heading out on the lash’. At least, she claims, ‘the response to out clown outfits has been largely positive’.

23.08 As the evening progresses many of the teams are working their way through the continent. Some have settled down in service stations and hotels, but others are attempting the all-nighter…

22.44 It seems like Singapore tops the mileage, putting Team 111 (Matlida and Matthew) in the lead. Team 23 (Julia and Peter) are on their way to Calgary in Canada  - impressive stuff.

22.38 I have to say, even after a quick glance at google maps, I’m not sure which is further, Singapore or Hong Kong…anyone wanna help me out? Whether it’s a winning destination or not, it’s still pretty damn impressive! That is many many miles!

22.36 Ok, so you know when we mocked team 111 (that’s Matilda and Matthew) for slightly a enigmatic update – well, they’ve had the last laugh, with a “casual flight to SINGAPORE”

22.34 So that’s where we stand with pretty much a day to go, still loads of time for it all to change. Terence and Chris (my tips for the land race) have moved into second place by reaching Duisburg, near Dortmund, in Germany. Speeding through towards Poland. Nice.

22.31 But what, I hear you ask, about The Tab’s teams? Well, Kieran’s not had the best day, Sophie Thorpe had a brilliant start but has resorted to getting northerners to buy her coffee, and Ben is somewhere in Calais…when last heard from, Evie was in London, but not hugely successful!

22:28 All in all, about a dozen jailbreakers have reached the continent by car/bus/lorry/train alone, which is pretty impressive with a full 22 1/2 hours to go. Meanwhile there are a whole raft of Cambridge students sleeping in Dover tonight (including all my housemates!).

22:25 Meanwhile, in the land race,  Alastair and Alexander – team 89, are furthest north, having reached the Scottish capital, while Team 85, Rivkah and Zachary, are furthest south, in Chartres (that’s in France if you didn’t know!). Leading the hitchhikers on the ground are team 194, Susie and Alex, who are currently broken down somewhere in Luxembourg.

22:23  Creeping up behind, currently in 3rd place somewhere between Zurich and Hong Kong are Team 110, Laurance and Johann, who fund-raised in Chinatown and look like very possible winners. Team 103, Andrea and Matthew are in 2nd place as things stand, having reached Naples, while Team 195, Justin and Clare, are heading to Miami.

22.20 Right, sorry about the gap in the updates, I think it’s time for a check of where we stand: The current leaders are Team 105, Michael and Mothusi, who have reached snowy Istanbul, an incredible 1554 miles from Cambridge. I presume they wont, but after 13 hours, if they kept going at this rate they’d make it much further than I can work out!

21.27 Big Dog Kieran quote: ‘Still in Stansted but donations rolling in, so big smiles and big hopes for the morning xx’.

21.08 BREAKING NEWS: A girl has bought SOPHIE THORPE a LATTE: ‘She is our angel of the north. Except a bit rounder.’

21:03 Sophie Thorpe fitting in well by discussing the industrial state of The North. She’s on a train to Edinburgh and says: ‘Not sure we’re totally welcome here.’ Nice to see she took your comments on board.

20:43 Team 83: Laurence and Ken, last update said they were at Junction 1, A28, France, the map puts them in upstate New York. Suspicious.

20:16 Team 104 Abdullah and Michael now in Dubai. They also ate free food from EAT. It’s 3:45am there, good luck getting a drink at that time!

19:48 Team 111 is getting strategic: “heading to an undisclosed location for tactical purposes.” We’re expecting a next-level jailbreak manoeuvre.

19:46 Team 65′s Tom and Alex are about to leave Stansted for NYC

19:43 Don’t be fooled by the Jailbreak Map: Team 39′s Daniel and Emily are really training it to Dover!

19:41 Sophie Thorpe is on the train to Edinburgh after leaving “cruel and cold-hearted Manchester” behind her, just like her internet commentators.

19:38 Anthony and Ruoxi from Team 58 are stuck in Dover at the moment, along with a whole group of jailbreakers stranded there tonight. TGIF.

19:28 Kieran’s still struggling in Stansted, not having any luck with a flight. He’s now thumbing his way out.

19:25 Smiling in Glasgow are Daniel and Emily of Team 39 who are head to head with Team 89, also in Scotland.

19:18 Team 194′s Susie and Alex are heading through Belgium and now within reach of Luxembourg.

19:09 Carlo and Nicholas have just booked to go to Marrakech and are now pre-lashing their flight in Spoons.

19:04 Katie and Christopher from Team 42 and Jessie and Rohan from Team 180 are now on their way to Germany.

18:58 Team 195, Justin and Clare are passing through Terminal 5 security to board a flight to Miami via NYC. Spring break’s come early in the form of a tasty sponsoring from Avid Palm Beach.

18:53 Way up north and not stopping are Team 89 with Alastair and Alexandar. Right now they’re passing through Alnwick.

18:45 Team 45, Luke and Anna have blagged a lift all the way to Amsterdam!

18:41 Kieran Corcoran is in trouble. He chased “instant gratification and was left wanting.” A chance to get to Istanbul slipped through his fingers.

18:34 Team 34, Alex and Tricia have managed to hitch onto a freight train headed for Tulles after meeting 3 life-savers from Ashford.

18:29 Unbelievable scenes: Ben and Tamsin make it onto the ferry.

18:21 Big Bearded Ben has been picked up by Pippa (the wonderful woman) and is now speeding to the ferry check-in, Mario Kart style. Our thoughts are with him.

18:15 We’ve just had confirmation that Team 110 are now boarding their flight to Hong Kong via Zurich at Heathrow’s Terminal 1. Great effort boys!

18:12 After being thrown out of the Oxford and Cambridge Club, Evie Prichard is now patrolling Mayfair looking for donations.

18:05 Sophie Thorpe has set off for Edinburgh with high hopes of catching a flight first thing tomorrow.

17:56 After fundraising in Chinatown, Laurence and Johann of Team 110 have secured tickets to Hong Kong from Carol at Swiss Air! Could this win it?

17:49 Still in Cambridge are Teams 64, 79, 150 and 168. Alex and Tobias of Team 168 are raising “shitloads” of money though, so they should be fine. Get a move on guys!

17:41 Heading north of Manchester and on the way to Durham are the intrepid Alaistair and Alexander of Team 89.

17:37 Team 85′s Rivkah and Zac have crossed the Channel and en route to Paris, going strong after two hitch-hikes under their belts.

17:31 Team 194, Susie and Alex just checked in at Veurne in Belgium and are heading for Italy.

17:25 Ben and Tamsin are feeling the pressure but have found some luck. A “wonderful woman” has offered to drive them to the ferry in her “amazing fast speedy automobile of miracles.” Will they catch the last ferry in time?

17:16 Team 120, Theo and Emma are storming ahead and have made it into Belgium and past Brussels.

17:11 Sophie Thorpe is now looking for a lift out of Manchester after “a close shave with Turkish Airlines.” She’s literally chilling in the hail, rain, and “biting Northern wind.” Best of luck to you, Sophie.

17:06 Ben and Tamsin are having a terrible time “cry laughing in sheer desperation” on the wrong half on the train not going to Dover. They’re trying to stay positive facing the prospect of sleeping on Dover cobbles tonight.

17:03 Team 194, Susie and Alex are forging ahead and have made it across the Channel to Calais!

16:32 Evie has now been barred from the Oxford and Cambridge Club for not meeting the strict dress codes. No jacket and no tie meant being thrown out by the club secretary.

16.12 Sophie Thorpe has fallen on hard times: “There’s snow on the ground in Manchester, and the response we are receiving is a little icy. Our clown outfits no longer seem to be doing the trick.”

16.03 Well done team 105, Michael and Mothusi, you’re off to Istanbul!

16.01  Just in time for tea, Ben Dalton has “blagged” his way onto a Ferry to Calais, with a view to getting into “a big truck” on the other side.

15.51 Kieran says “Tune in to radio Cambridgeshire at 5.45pm for an update from my very voice!”

15.50 Kieran Corcoran, the man himself, is in Stansted airport “pulling any strings” he can think of. He hasn’t seen anyone else around yet

15.35 Team 85, Zac and Rivkah are crossing the channel tunnel!

15.34 Team 120, Emma and Theo are now getting a Ferry on the way to Brussels.

15.24 After Fish’n'Chips on Brighton pier, Daniel and Emily, team 99 are on their way to Dover- sounds promising!

15.22 Theodore and Emma, team 120, seem to have reached Calais on their way to Brussels with Braine the trucker!

15.17 Esther and Charlie have made it… into The Telegraph!

15.11 Sophie Thorpe is roaming the terminals of Manchester airport, employing balloon animals in her efforts to charm a flight out of someone… unconventional, but 10/10 for initiative. So far no luck, next she will try to persuade with cake.

15.10 Evie Prichard is strolling around Whitehall “targeting men in macs” with their jailbreak sales pitch… Boring, but apparently lucrative

15.09 Team 111, Matilda and Matthew have befriended an American businessman and are now in a travel agent’s office… Here’s hoping!

15.06 Tamsin and Ben are refueling yet again. Next stop: Burger king for  some much needed energy. Let’s hope for Tamsin’s sake Ben doesn’t order onions!

14.39 Ben and Tamsin have manged to wangle themselves a free hour-long massage! They’re currently on the bus to London, where a fellow passenger has requested Ben cover his mouth when he talks… They “remain positive” by munching on Nutrigrain bars

14.18 There are now more teams within the M25 than left in Cambridge according to the map – that’s pretty encouraging!

14.13 Alastair and Alexander, Team 89, seem rather good at this. Not only have they had a couple of very successful hitchhikes, they also seem to have blagged themselves a pub lunch. They are currently the furthest north, in Derby.

14.10 Kieran is doing a bit better it seems: “People outside the station are my FAVE. En route to stanstead with hope in our hearts and an ace up our sleeve. p.s. your money is far from safe” – I think it’s a bluff.

14.06 Sophie Thorpe: “I’ve been informed of the existence of a boardgame called ‘Hey! That’s my fish!’ I want it”. I have to say I’m not entirely sure where Sophie is right now, but she does seem to be having a good time!

13.59 Everyone please spare a prayer for Team 127 – Stephen and David. Their latest update ” Walking into a truck stop dressed as Batman and Robin. What could possibly go wrong?” In Gravesend, that doesn’t sound like fun. Or maybe it does.

13.53 This just in from team 38 – Michelle and Jonathan:

“Dear Tab,

We got a special mention in your Jailbreak update as Team 38 aiming for Australia. Just thought we’d let you know about our change of plan. We are no longer most ambitious distance but we would now like to claim the title of hopefully most ambitious mode of transport”

I for one am intrigued!

13.45 So, as we approach the 5 hour mark (only 31 to go!) the current leader is a team including Sophie Thorpe. Two miles further than their nearest rivals, and in completely the opposite direction. No-one has officially left Britain yet, but ports and airports around the South East have begun to notice an influx in jailbreakers…

13.38 Team 169 (Jake and Lexi) have reached Heathrow Airport after some generous contributions from Londoners on the tube. Might be one to watch…

13.27 Technical issues sorted, so a full round-up of where we stand now: Just over a dozen teams are in London fund-raising, a fair few heading for Dover and Felixstowe, and a couple at Stanstead and Luton. Sophie Thorpe leads the charge north so far, while Team 39 (Emily and Daniel) are furthest south (not heading for a port) as they approach Brighton.

13.25 And even Sophie Thorpe has hit trouble, in more ways than one: “Grinding to a halt in traffic. I am learning so much about gaming. More than I ever needed to know. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be making it along to one of the ‘Magic: The Gathering’ grand prixs, Glen, but thanks for the invite.”

13.23 Sometimes teams get a great start - The Tab‘s editor Kieran is not one of those: “Still less than a mile from Parker’s Piece, but sneaky plans underway” – I sponsored Kieran, and I reckon my money is pretty safe!

13.18 Add to that team 103 (Andrea and Matthew), the first to reach Stanstead, have booked flights to Naples. Foreign jailbreak is properly underway!

13.16 Sorry for the delay in updates – our map is running a tad behind, but here is some big news – Team 120 (Theo and Emma) have become the first team to leave the country, heading to Brussels from Dover!

12.44 Another classic from Sophie Thorpe: “The horizon is blackening. The temperature is dropping. It looks industrial. I miss the south.”

12.30 Sophie Thorpe, now headed for MANCHESTER: “Glen the gamer is giving me his theory on Sherlock. If he wasn’t a gamer, we could have a future together.”

12.09 Team 122 – Thomas and Joseph – are collecting money at Addenbrookes, where they have also been given cake. Always a good place to pick up cash a hospital….

11.53 Of those 6 teams in London, one of them are the Sidney grads who made this excellent video – I hope their actual jailbreak is as friendly!

11.49 A bit of a lull at the moment, plenty of teams have found their first hitch and are on the way to their next stops, which include Brighton (team 39), Birmingham (Sophie Thorpe) and other places beginning with B. I make it 6 in London, with plenty more heading there, and at least 3 at airports. Good start people, keep it up!

11.35 Kieran: Someone stopped for us! But they were only going to cherry hinton…Holding out for a hero.”

11.21 Worth pointing out that our most ambitious jailbreakers, Team 38 – Michelle and Jonathan, who are aiming for Australia, have yet to leave Parker’s piece according to our map. A while to go but they need to get on a plane quite soon if they’re to make it!

11.14 Sophie Thorpe: Discussing the stage production of “A Clockwork Orange”. Not totally sure this is appropriate chitchat for hitchhikers”

11.12 Evie Prichard: On the train to London with a cunning plan. Evie, we are intrigued!

11.06 Team 86 Artur and Miguel have become our first jailbreakers to reach Heathrow airport: “Let the ticket hunt begin!”.

11.00 So, 2 hours in, and how’s everyone doing? Well, Alastair and Alexander (team 89) are our current leaders, 59 whole miles from Cambridge – Travelling at an average of 29.5 miles per hour they should eventually reach…somewhere 1000 miles away. If only it really worked like that! 4 teams in London already, 1 in Luton, looking for flights, and the majority of our 150 teams still in sunny Cambridge – work to do!

10.45 Sophie Thorpe: got a replacement ride, heading to Birmingham. This is further North than I have dared to venture. Slightly concerned about communicating with Northerners, the accents are already thickening.

10.44 Kieran: minor dispute with comedy editor Phil over plum hitch hiking spot at Cambridge City Limit. Here’s hoping for both of us.

10.30 Sophie Thorpe: two sluts just stole our ride. Livid.

10.23 Sophie Thorpe: got out first lift of the day from Richard, a friendly Northern bus driver. Now loitering near service station. Clown outfits attracting a lot of attention…

10.15  Team 102 are on their way to King’s Cross with the help of ‘generous commuters’, whilst most teams remain on foot. Team 89 has trekked to Girton – ‘it’s so far away!’

9.16 Kieran: we’re off! Power walking out of Cambridge praying for a lift

9.00 They’re off!

Last week Homerton triumphed over Sidney with 54% of the vote.

Rob Malaney has been voted the new Blues rugby captain at a special meeting last night.

He will take charge of the Blues for the rest of this term and then lead the team’s campaign to reverse last year’s defeat in the Varsity match at Twickenham. The openside flanker started at Twickenham and has consistently been one of the club’s outstanding performers since his arrival from Durham, where he captained the men in purple to a BUCS championship win.

The process of selecting a new captain involves all the players convening in the Steele-Bodger room at Grange Road in a meeting chaired by the Chairman of CURUFC.

Malaney in action at Twickenham in December

Initially, players are nominated for the job if their team-mates call out their name. Any players nominated will then leave to allow the remaining players to discuss the candidates further. Upon returning, each contender has the chance to speak for three minutes in an effort to persuade the team that they are the right man for the job.

Malaney, studying history at St Edmund’s, takes over from Matt Guinness-King, the former Canadian international who retired from rugby after the 2011 Varsity Match. The boots are big ones to fill, with the previous captains including South African Jimmy Richards in 2010 and Dan Vickerman in 2009, the Australian lock who used his Cambridge form to bag a spot in his country’s World Cup squad last autumn. Ollie Wolfe takes over as club secretary.

He picks up a team in need of a boost after a crushing 22-44 defeat at the hands of his old side Durham at the weekend. The Lent term sees matches against each wing of the armed forces, invitational sides and an Argentinian touring team.

The Blues’ next game is against the Army on February 8th

The wait is over.

It takes a lot of guts to follow in the footsteps of a Sophie Thorpe, a Tom Rasmussen, a Hugo Cobb, a Lexi Abrams. A Tab columnist’s life is never the same again.

Here are the brave souls you’ll be loving, hating, praising and slating for the next term:

ANNA ISAAC

‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single epileptic of no fortune must be in want of a life.’

Anna scribbles about things you might have thought but have too great a sense public of shame to share.

Whet your appetite, or yourself, as she bursts through embarrassment straight into humiliation and truth. Pack a spare pair of knickers and jump aboard the good ship cringe! Oh, wait, that rhymes with something…

READ Anna’s first column.

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ROB YOUNG

After venting about The X Factor every week last term, Rob has finally grown to Level 36, evolved into a proper columnist, and learned Hyper Beam. Join him for pop-culture inspired silliness, occasional thoughtfulness and unrivalled YouTube linkage. Above all, prepare to unleash the niche.

READ Rob’s first column.

______________________

LUCY BUTTERFIELD

Critically acclaimed by Varsity for her “verbal poise” and by The Tab for the ability “to look worried and eat crisps”, Lucy will be meeting our readers head-on in relentless pursuit of love, good hair dye, and Domino’s vouchers in equal measure.

When she’s not trawling Facebook in the library, you might find her eating raisin wheats and catching up on Eastenders in her favourite owl onesie. She looks forward to your comments.

Check The Tab on Tuesday for Lucy’s first column.

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THE TATTLER

Our society man brings you the stories that you need a mask to tell properly – the tales under the tails.

He’s in the Pitt Club, in the Union and the Hawks’ – some of you might have shaken his hand, or admired his well-chosen society tie.

His column with The Tab is a chance to gently chide the grubbier elements of Cambridge society – something to do between dinner and cigars.

Check The Tab on Friday for The Tattler’s first column.

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In the final Fit College of last term, Emma pipped Pembroke to the post with 52% of the vote.

Are you business savvy?  Can you negotiate like the pros?

Cambridge’s most-read student publication are recruiting for a larger Business Team.  Roles include:

 Corporate Advertising

 Local Business Deals

 Graphic Design

And you don’t need any experience.

For more information about what we do, or to apply, email Amy Bennett and James Rhodes at business@cambridgetab.co.uk.

Want to write for Cambridge’s most-read, most active student publication?

The Tab is always recruiting new contributors – it’s easy to get involved, and there’s no experience necessary.

So if you fancy being a:

Reporter             Critic            Features Writer

         Sports Reporter          Photographer

…we’d love to hear from you.

To find out more, come along to Caffè Nero near Market Square on Tuesday – we’ll be upstairs from 1pm-4pm to answer all your questions about getting involved with The Tab.

Then come to our first contributors’ meeting at The Fountain Inn on Regent Street this Thursday, 4pm-5pm to meet the team and leave with a story. All sections will be represented.

Or email editor@cambridgetab.co.uk at any time to find out more.

It’s been a busy year for music, in the charts and outside them. Tab Music get together to walk you back through the five best albums of 2011.

Bon Iver – Bon Iver

For Bon Iver, following up their debut must have been difficult. A cult album that clearly stemmed from isolation and heart-break, For Emma was all about the sheer power of emotion. However, Bon Iver shows a distinct musical shift, the raw simplicity of their debut replaced by a grand and ambitious sprawl of jazz, epic rock and even ‘80s power ballads. This diversity is what makes the album so great; the unadulterated talent and beauty is still there, but musically the album is on another level.

-David Holland

Rustie – Glass Swords

Glaswegian Russell Whyte has crafted a musical masterpiece of sweeping arpeggios, bright synth soundscapes and catchy bass lines, all glued together by his own signature  drum hooks. The production is simply divine; sonically the album is without fault. But the main strength of Glass Swords is originality: drawing on influences as far apart as hip-hop, trance and dubstep, the album has an overbearing sense of freshness. It has the balance right between smooth, relaxing electro tracks and hands-in-the-air dance floor moments that would tear apart any club.

In a pretty poor year for music, this was the best electronic album; innovative, artistic, yet still powerful enough to please dance music fans. If he can keep his productions at this level I’m sure we will be hearing a lot from him in 2012.

- John Bardsley

Yuck – Yuck

Right from the off, Yuck were saddled with comparisons and dismissed by some camps for hiding behind a banner of ’90s revivalism. With no plan to put out some grand statement, the young band simply went ahead and assembled what stands as the year’s best collection of songs. Every track earns its place – from the buzzsaw guitars of Holing Out and Operation, to more stripped-down affairs like Suicide Policeman. We also have the brilliant single Get Away, which should have been number one in some parallel musical universe. Seriously, they’re still throwing away songs as b-sides that lesser bands would kill to have written. Imagine what they could do with their next effort.

- Cosmo Godfree

The Horrors – Skying

When The Horrors first emerged from their hairspray fog back in the mid ‘00s, few could have predicted that they would become one of the most forward- thinking alternative acts of 2011. They unexpectedly slunk from genre to genre, abandoning frenetic garage howling for the vast expanse of krautrock, before settling this year on psychedelic shoegaze for their third album. By the time they’re trundling out subwoofers and baggy shorts for an ill-advised dubstep-meets-nu-metal inspired future project, we may have tired of their chameleon attitude to musical influences. Right now though, their experimentation is a novel change in the current musical climate. And more importantly, the resulting songs are incredible. From the confident bass and synth lines of ‘Still Life’ to Faris Badwan’s echoing vocals in pensive finale ‘Oceans Burning’, The Horrors have created a perfectly hypnotic album.

- Megan Kennedy

Jay-Z & Kanye West – Watch The Throne

Kanye has come a long way in the last 11 years. In 2000, he was starting out as a fresh-faced producer. His big break came producing a track called This Can’t Be Life for – you guessed it – Jay-Z.

Fast forward to 2011 and West is one of the biggest rappers in the world, doing exactly what stupidly-successful rappers do best: starting a clothing line, getting diamond teeth, climbing through the floor of chat shows and making a film about having sex with an angel.

Watch The Throne is an apt title then. Jay-Z’s dominance of the rap scene is being challenged by West the young pretender. But this competition creates a classic album; Jay-Z rises to Kanye’s challenge on tracks like Who Gonna Stop Me and Ni**as In Paris, dominating the verses, while Kanye’s signature soul-tinged production shines as fresh as ever on Otis, Murder To Excellence and Gotta Have It.

It’s by no means a perfect album; recorded over a year across the globe, at times it feels sloppy. But the sheer energy both artists bring to each track means you can’t help but be swept along by the album’s momentum. The throne is still in contention, but this album sets it out of the reach of all but Kanye and Jay-Z.

- Oscar Williams-Grut

The competition is now closed – best of luck to all who entered.

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Everyone loves stash. It is categorically important that people know that you’re at John’s (scarf), were in a Corpus lateshow (t-shirt), are on the JCR (hoodie) and play seconds lacrosse (trackies) without ever speaking to you.

But it’s pretty dull to be honest. Here at The Tab we’re devoted to providing the entertaining alternative, so we’re on the hunt for the best Cambridge-themed stash designs.

All you have to do is think up a witty, Cambridge-based (even Tab-based) slogan, pun or reference and send it to us. The best wins.

Frustrated by people across the street who don’t know how much you hate Oxford/rival college/Sophie Thorpe? Need to say something to everyone in Cindies but can’t shout loud enough? Stuck for a budget birthday present for psychoboatie friend? This is your chance to make a difference.

Some ideas to get you started

We’re also devoted to giving our readers free stuff. Winning designs will be printed for their designers, and the winners will also receive a free meal for two at the Riverbar Steakhouse and Grill.

Where winners dine in triumph

Entries should be sent to competitions@cambridgetab.co.uk by 10pm Monday 9th January, either as jpeg images or text slogans.

Please specify where such images/slogans should be placed on the front/back of the T-shirt. Winners will be contacted by email within a week of the competition closing.